The Opposite of Beautiful
by Colorless Butterfly
Summary: After the war, everything changes, especially for one former ROOT-member and one golden-haired kunoichi. You're always supposed to call a girl the exact opposite of what you think of her, right? A love story at its quirkiest. SaiIno. A lot less fluffy than I wanted it to turn out, but I guess I'm rolling with it.
1. curiosity

**title:** the opposite of beautiful

 **summary:** But never in his life has he ever seen an interrogation clean itself up as swiftly and as mercilessly as Ino Yamanaka's does.

 **pairing:** sai x ino

 **chapter:** 1\. curiosity

 **disclaimer:** I do not own Naruto.

* * *

There is a small, nondescript building located in the corner of Konoha, easily accessible by returning shinobi but hardly recognizable or noticeable. If you enter this room, you'll be greeted by a smiling receptionist, and perhaps, if you're carrying the right things, she'll lead you down long, winding corridors and down staircases and into darkened hallways, far underground, dark and looming. This is the part of Konoha that no one likes, the receptionist will tell you, placid smile on her face. Welcome to the Torture and Interrogation Division.

.

Sai smiles back at her, all pleasant and placid and perfect and _fake._ "Delivery," he says.

The door in front of them slides open. Bright, bubbling laughter spills from the darkened room within.

"Sai, is that you?" A flickering of the lights being turned on. Long, blonde hair, spilling down her shoulders like a curtain, and bright bright blue eyes.

"Ugly," he greets Ino, smiling. A tick appears on her head, and for a moment, Sai expects her to go off on him, but to his surprise she simply lets out an irritated noise and folds her arms together underneath her ample breasts. The fierce quirk of her eyebrow makes him resign. He hefts the unconscious man in his arms.

"Kumo-nin, by the border." There had been an ambush, albeit a poorly planned one. Sai had bitten one of them with a snake and sent two ink wolves against the ones who ran before he remembered that it was usually better to keep one alive. It had been a little more frustrating, but he'd been successful.

Ino beams at him, slender white fingers reaching out to take the unconscious, drugged man from his arms. Sai makes no noise but the faintest shift in his expression reveals his interest in her cheerful disposition, at the way she handles the heavy unconscious foreign nin without even a hint of strain.

"Thanks, Sai," Ino says, and for the first time, Sai takes a good look at their situation.

The receptionist has fled, leaving the two of them alone. Sai finds himself wondering how this pretty blonde kunoichi has found herself in the dark, desolate cells of the Interrogation division.

It has been merely five months after the war.

"I apologize," the words come out of his mouth before he has time to decide whether or not speaking is a good idea. Sakura and Naruto are always complaining about his lack of social skills. "I had thought Ibiki-san would be here."

Ino hums in reply, inviting him into the room as she unceremoniously drops the unconscious kumo-nin into a chair. The room is barren, with only a table with two chairs on either end. There are no windows, and curious stains along the walls. _Blood,_ Sai thinks, and then reevaluates this pretty blonde kunoichi who stands in the center of the room.

"He's on a mission," she replies, in that lilting, _sliding_ voice of hers, sweet and charming. Sai merely blinks. Her bright blue eyes blink back, and then frown at him. "Sai, you look exhausted. Go home and take a shower and a nap."

Sai is well aware that he makes somewhat of an imposing presence. Dressed in ANBU gear, tanto glinting dangerously strapped against his back, mud streaked against his clothing and blood in his hair, he must have frightened the receptionist greatly. And yet…

 _Hmm._ Sai wants to know more about this blonde, long-haired kunoichi, and why she is radiating sunlight in the underground torture chambers of Konoha. Sai is not stupid. He knows that Ino is here for a reason, that this is not some coincidence and that despite all of his previous brief unassuming interactions with her, the grace and ease with which she places herself in this interrogation room suggests something far more sinister than a simple visit.

He simply smiles at her. "I am fine as I am now. Should I help you dispose of the body when you're done?"

A pause. A moment of surprise in her eyes at his words, and Sai congratulates himself on doing something right.

Ino hums again, but this time it's a little less bright, a little more thoughtful. She is reevaluating him, just like he has reevaluated her. Then she shrugs. "If you don't mind. Please close the door, though, I'd hate for everyone upstairs to hear the screams."

Sai does as he's asked, and then leans against the wall in the back of the room. He watches as Ino takes a seat across the Kumo-nin.

"Chakra suppressor?" she asks him, and he simply nods in response.

Ino gently reaches out, chakra flaring to her fingertips, and presses against the kumo-nin's temple. Her touch is feather light. Slowly, the foreign shinobi stirs, a low moan coming from his battered body. His eyes blink open, and –

Ino smiles at him, and for the first time Sai is struck by the innocence in Ino's expression, of soothing comfort and relaxed ease. The kumo-nin relaxes an inch – an _inch –_

Ino meets his eyes, blue against drugged bloodshot brown, and the screaming starts.

.

.

.

Sai is…well, disturbed.

He is no stranger to interrogation. He's done it quite a few times himself, including the torture aspect of it. It was all part of ROOT's training, simply another step in removing emotion from the body, another step in creating the perfect ninja.

But never in his life has he ever seen an interrogation clean itself up as swiftly and as mercilessly as Ino Yamanaka's does.

Ten minutes later and the screams have become ragged bloody labored breaths. Fifteen minutes later, they stop completely. Around the eighteenth minute, Ino Yamanaka opens her wide, bright blue eyes. There is a faint sheen of sweat on her forehead as she rises from the chair, a little stiff, and stretches.

She turns to him with a smile, but Sai is not fooled. He has practiced his smile for years; long enough to recognize one that is similarly practiced, easy. But there is a warmth to Ino's fake smile that makes him blink; it feels so real. Anyone else would have been convinced.

 _Frightening,_ Sai thinks to himself, and at the same time he also thinks, _beautiful._

They seal the kumo-nin's body into a body scroll after stripping him of everything in his possession. It is only after they leave the room that Ino turns to him, a faint hint of displeasure in her expression.

"You haven't debriefed yet, have you, Sai?" she asks, and Sai nods in affirmation. "Good. We can go together. I think Tsunade-sama should hear about this."

.

.

.

She hasn't told anyone about her newfound position in the Interrogation and Torture Division except Sakura. Tsunade-sama obviously knows, as well as everyone else in the Division, and she is pretty sure that Shikamaru has already figured it out, but every other one of her friends has been kept in the dark.

It isn't really much of a choice. Ino is _Ino._ She doesn't want other people to find out what went on in her own brain when she entered that nondescript building, doesn't want her friends to find out what she is capable of doing behind closed doors in a dark and empty cell, with only one other mind to keep her company.

But Sai is ANBU, and she deals with the pickings from ANBU the most, so it had been inevitable that they'd meet, someday. Someday she knows she will encounter Shino, and Tenten as well, if the whispers about the weapons mistress's promotion are true.

 _The war will change everyone,_ Shikamaru told her once. And it had.

Ino thinks about the feeling of entering another person's mind, like entering a bubble, and then sending everything to hell from within. She thinks about how _easy_ it is now for her to pop that bubble without regard to whose bubble it belongs to. How fragile in reality shinobi minds are. How terrifying and exhilarating it is to hold that kind of power over others.

The thought burns her. She doesn't want anyone else to know.

But for some reason, Ino doesn't worry about Sai. He might have his unbearably awkward moments, but he understands the importance of a secret.

They debrief together, detached, professional. The kumo-nin was a defector during the war, along with the other ones they were with. Ino had searched, but that seemed like the extent of a threat. Simply an unlucky ambush.

There is a silence after they leave the Hokage Tower. Ino doesn't know what to say, and Sai is as clueless as ever. Finally, Ino gives up deliberating.

"Don't tell anyone," she blurts out, and then blushes.

Sai pauses mid-stride, and then blinks at her. "Why not?"

"Why not?" she is thrown off guard by this question, "because…because they won't like it."

Because interrogation is terrifying. It can be unethical and cruel, and no one wants to know what she's capable of doing.

"That doesn't make sense. You are making full use of your capabilities and skills, and are being rewarded for your efforts. It's admirable."

Ino's retort catches in her throat at the unexpected compliment. To her mortification, a hint of a blush creeps up from her neck. So she just shoves at him and grumbles. "Just don't tell anyone, ok?"

"I won't," he says, and throws her a smile, as if to make his sincerity clear.

 _Liar._

She narrows her beautiful blue eyes at him until his smile fades back into a normal expression. Blank. Better. Now they are being truthful with each other.

"Okay," she says.

.

.

.

* * *

 **notes:**

\- hi. don't be fooled. this is fluff. or will be fluff. at some point.

\- no, i don't really know what i'm doing, ever.


	2. distraction

**title:** the opposite of beautiful

 **summary:** They'd gotten rid of the seal, months ago, but he's never forgotten the taste of ink burned onto skin.

 **pairing:** sai x ino

 **chapter:** 2\. distraction

 **disclaimer:** I do not own Naruto.

* * *

.

.

.

After a while, Sai admits it to himself. He's interested.

It's not like they meet on purpose. She just spends a little more time in the Torture and Interrogation Division headquarters, and he takes a few more solo missions, which all end up with him hauling some unconscious newfound threat over to that little clandestine building with the fake-smiling receptionist. The receptionist doesn't even bother leading him down to the interrogation chambers anymore. She just raises an eyebrow at him and tells him whichever room Ino is in.

And if he stays with Ino throughout the interrogation, and then lingers for a few minutes as they chat about random things that have happened throughout the village, well, no big deal. Ino's a chatterer, Sai realizes, but for some reason he finds himself unnaturally attracted to the way her words slide and tilt through the air, sweet and smooth and clear.

He doesn't really mind the chattering; he was never good at making conversation anyway.

One day, he comes across Ibiki instead of Ino. The older, scarred man simply looks him over, at the ANBU mask hooked around his belt and the ink and blood seeping into his clothing, and smirks.

"So _you're_ the ink freak Ino always talks about," he says, and Sai would normally feel insulted because he is _far more_ than an ink freak, except instead he feels an unexpected surge of pleasure over the fact that Ino is paying him some attention. Sai then frowns at the feeling. It's not exactly unwelcome, but it's surprising in its origin.

 _Emotions are weak,_ the ROOT training lodged in the back of his brain whispers, crawling into his bloodstream, _emotions are useless._ _Focus on the enemy. Kill all potential threats -_

Sai bites his tongue, teeth sinking into the tip of his tongue, molars and canines. (They'd gotten rid of the seal, months ago, but he's never forgotten the taste of ink burned onto skin). He tells himself to pay attention when a superior is talking.

"She's not here today," Ibiki continues, "but I'll take that poor Iwa-nin from you. Don't you know? Today's her birthday, she's probably out celebrating."

He had not known it was her birthday. Sai is unsure of what to do with the information. He simply shrugs instead, and hands the unconscious nin in his arms over.

"Go home and clean yourself up, kid," Ibiki says gruffly. "You're tracking blood and ink all over the floor. You talk to her when you're like this?"

Sai is mildly confused. He has always shown up like this after a particularly difficult mission, and yet Ino has never indicated that his appearance bothered her. He looks down at himself, at the ink mixed with blood smeared across his stomach and clothing, the gritty uncomfortable feeling of blood caking in his hair. Hmm. Perhaps according to social conventions, his appearance was quite uncivilized.

"...Understood," Sai says, plastering a smile on his face, "I had not taken my appearance after a mission into consideration. Thank you for pointing that out, Ibiki-san."

The older man simply snorts, scarred scalp peeking dully out from under his headband, and shuts the door in his face.

Sai goes to the Hokage Tower for debriefing, and then takes a shower.

.

.

.

That evening, he is dressed once again in ANBU gear, settled comfortably in the trees near his apartment complex, when he spots Shikamaru approaching him from across the street. Slung around his shoulders and stumbling along is familiar golden strands of hair.

"ANBU-san," Shikamaru calls out. Sai glances down.

Shikamaru stares at him for a moment, taking in his ANBU mask, one that has abstract designs on it instead of the features of an animal, and then sighs in a way that signifies exactly how troublesome he finds this situation. "Sai."

Sai is not surprised that Shikamaru recognizes him. Every ANBU mask is different, but only his does not feature any animal. It's a reminder of his time in ROOT, a weird twisted way of reminding himself of his origins, about Danzo and the things he'd done and Shin and – well. No time to think about that.

He drops down to the ground, landing without a sound. "Is Yamanaka-san alright?" he asks.

"Completely drunk," Shikamaru sighs again, "it was her birthday today, and she decided to celebrate by challenging Sakura to a drinking contest. Sakura's Tsunade's disciple, so I don't know exactly what she was expecting."

Sai removes the mask from his face, shrugging as he secures it against his hip. There's no point in hiding from the Nara genius, anyway.

"Look, can you take her home? Everyone else is similarly inebriated and I have six other people to haul home, so I can't exactly do it myself. You know where she lives, right?"

Sai nods again, and Shikamaru offers Ino over. Sai blinks at the unconscious blonde kunoichi, and then carefully slings her onto his back, clumsily arranging her arms around his neck and hefting her up.

"…Sai," Shikamaru says, and Sai gets a vague sinking feeling in his stomach. The Nara's features are twisted in a frown. "Tell her to stop."

A pause. "Stop what?"

"You know what I'm talking about," Shikamaru accuses, hands tucked in his pockets and posture relaxed, but Sai is not fooled. He knows that Shikamaru is clenching his fists tight and his awful posture is just a façade. "Tell her to leave the Torture And Interrogation Division. It's not meant for people like her."

Sai blinks, aware of the slim, warm weight against his back and the tickling of long golden strands against his cheek. "What do you mean, Nara-san?"

"Sai, don't pretend to be clueless," Shikamaru tilts his head slightly towards the blonde kunoichi tucked against Sai's shoulder-blade. "Ino shouldn't be anywhere near that division. She can be troublesome, but she's not heartless. She won't be able to handle the demands. You should know better than anyone else the effects of doing a job like the one that she's taking on."

Ah. He is referencing ROOT.

Sai deliberates, and then smiles, eyes curving, "I disagree, Nara-san."

There is a chill in the air. _It's a full moon out,_ Sai thinks, _and the Nara clan controls shadows_. He doesn't need to look around to know that there are plenty of shadows out.

He readjusts his grip on Ino's thighs, ignoring the smooth skin and hint of muscle beneath his palms, and addresses Shikamaru. "Yamanaka-san seems perfectly comfortable with her position in T&I. I see no reason to dissuade her."

Flickers of shadows on the edge of his vision. _My,_ Sai thinks, even under his perfectly composed smile, _how frightening._ An agitated Nara is truly the worst opponent.

A hum stirring beneath his skin. _Kill all potential threats –_

Sai grips Ino a little tighter than he should, smile slipping, and inhales deeply. Exhales.

Shikamaru is watching him like a hawk, dark eyes narrowed, and then he tugs at his ponytail in frustration. "Sai, I'm not talking about her abilities. I'm talking about _Ino,_ okay? She's my teammate. She's too warmhearted for a place like T&I."

"I think you're wrong," Sai replies, even though there is distinctive killing intent in the air and a chill down his spine and maybe, maybe, shadows inching closer. "I think you're underestimating your own teammate's capabilities. Ino's not Naruto. She's not you, or even Sakura. If anything, I think she belongs in T&I more than any other division."

No response. Sai hefts Ino into a more secure position, and begins to walk to the Yamanaka compound, brushing past Shikamaru as he does. Then he pauses.

"Besides, Nara-san, what makes you think I'll be capable of convincing her?"

Shikamaru's killing intent is strong enough to cause sweat along the back of his neck and the tightening of his smile around the corners – but in the end, not _that_ strong. Not strong enough. Sai keeps moving until the pressure eases.

.

.

.

At the gate to the Yamanaka compound, Sai slows. "Ugly," he says quietly, "you can stop pretending now."

A shift in breathing. A tightening of slim arms around his neck. Ino is quiet for a moment, and then reluctantly lifts her head, hot breath against his ear.

Even through the smell of alcohol, Sai can smell an underlying hint of flowers.

Silence.

"He figured it out," Ino finally says in a small voice.

"Nara-san? He probably knew from the beginning," Sai replies. There are words that they both know are being left unsaid.

Shikamaru does not think Ino is too warmhearted for Torture and Interrogation. He thinks Ino is too weak.

Sai thinks about golden hair in a desolate cell. He thinks about blood-curling screams and bloody gasps and Ino's practiced smile, about the wide, unseeing eyes of a man whose mind has been broken. It's far from weak.

If anything, it's disturbing, and Sai finds himself _liking_ that.

"You meant what you said, right?" Ino's slurred words and warm breath against his ear is enough to send his pulse jumping erratically. Sai notes this down with a faint degree of alarm.

"Yes," he walks through the gate, careful not to jostle Ino too much. "I don't think you should quit. You are a valuable addition to the T&I division and it would be a shame for you to leave."

Ino lets out a short, faint, ridiculing laugh. Sai doesn't like it.

"I'm not joking," Sai says, feeling a strange urge to defend himself. Then he pauses; he has never been in the Yamanaka compound before, and he isn't quite sure whether or not Ino has regained her motor functions to an acceptable capacity yet.

Ino loosens her arms around Sai's neck, muscles jerking clumsily as she draws a key from beneath her clothing. She shoves it gracelessly at Sai. "Apartment. Two streets down, on the left, with the flowers. I moved out after…after the war. Can you - can you - ?"

Then she lets out a groan, and lowers her head against Sai's shoulder again.

"Ino?"

"'m _dizzy,_ " she mumbles as an explanation, into his shirt.

Sai lets out a noise of understanding, taking the key from her, and proceeds toward her apartment.

"I-I'm not _happy,_ " Ino starts, and then she is babbling, breath hot against his ear and her hair tickling against his shoulder and arm with every movement, "it doesn't make me _happy_ to enter other people's minds just to break them. I'm just…I'm just good at it. And I'm not good at anything else, really, so I find myself wanting it more and more, because it's the only place where I feel like I'm _necessary._ And I'm really, really good at it, did I tell you that? And you smell really nice, Sai. Like fresh ink. I didn't know ink had a smell, but I like it. It's a little like flowers."

Damn. Ino has shifted and now her breasts are pressing against his back and it is _distracting, t_ o say the least. Sai reflects on the idea that a girl's body is distracting him, and considers that maybe he doesn't lack the hormones Sakura swears he doesn't have after all.

"You're drunk, Ino," Sai sighs instead. They've reached what he assumes to be her apartment. There are flowerpots arranged all around the windowsills, furled in tightly under the moonlight. Very gently, he lets Ino down, helping her find her balance. She sways, and giggles.

"I _am_ drunk," she declares, "and fuck Shikamaru, you know? He always thinks that he knows what's best for me. But he doesn't know everything."

He unlocks the door for her, carefully guiding her into the apartment. It's spacious, and clearly comfortable. Ino might have moved out from the main household, but she is still heir to the Yamanaka clan.

Ino still looks like she can't walk properly, so Sai kicks off his shoes and maneuvers her towards what he assumes to be the bedroom. She leans against him, arms slung haphazardly over his shoulders, feet dragging.

Once inside the room Ino stumbles towards the bed, kicking her shoes off as she does. Sai takes in her appearance for the first time. She has foregone ninja gear for her celebration, instead donning a flowery dress that barely skims her thighs and leaves her shoulders and arms bare. Ino pauses at the edge of the bed, and then turns.

"It was my birthday today," her words are slurred slightly, but still easy enough to understand, "do you have anything?"

Sai blinks. Too late, he remembers that birthdays are usually celebrated by giving gifts. "I don't have a gift," he apologizes.

She chuckles, but it's a weak chuckle. Then she reaches out, and touches Sai's face, fingers trailing across his jaw, thumb running against his cheek.

He stiffens. He's not used to people touching his face, especially not in this way. It's gentle and feather-light, and it's strangely intimate. He is considering breaking away when Ino drops her hand. Then before he can react, she pulls him closer and kisses him on the cheek. Her breath is warm against his skin.

 _Hmm_. How alarming. His pulse has accelerated again.

"I'll take that as my present," she smiles. "Sorry for not inviting you, ink freak."

Sai blinks at her, and she motions him to go. He leaves.

.

.

.

* * *

 **notes:**

 **-** squint. do you see fluff now? no? ok then, squint harder, because it's there.

\- fine, i'll admit it. this is not always going to be a sunshine-yay-happy-ever-after story because life after war is just decidedly _not fluffy._ and I love me some fluff, but I love things that aren't fluffy more.

\- besides, i think sai's a bit too much of a trainwreck for actual fluff.

\- review?


	3. confusion

**title:** the opposite of beautiful

 **pairing:** sai x ino

 **chapter:** 3\. confusion

 **disclaimer:** I do not own Naruto.

* * *

Sai is _confused_.

He is free from the ROOT program, but much of the program's conditioning is still there. He is far more receptive to emotions than before, now that he does not automatically squash and twist them away like before, but they are still unexpected to him and hard to sort out sometimes. Right now, all Sai can identify is confusion.

Soft lips on his cheek. The scent of flowers. A warm weight on his back.

His heartbeat is now approximately 1.5 times faster than normal. _Odd_.

But he kind of likes it.

.

.

.

Ino does not leave Torture and Interrogation.

It's a well-known fact that the Yamanakas have always specialized in mind jutsu, just like how the Naras have always controlled shadows and the Aburames have always hosted kikaichu bugs. Until the formation of Ino-Shika-Cho, however, there had been very little use for those kinds of jutsus during a combat situation, except for interrogation.

 _The mind of shinobi are weak,_ her father once told her, when she had just been a little girl, before the Uchiha massacre and Orochimaru and Sasuke's defection and the war, before everything had gone to hell. _So you have to be careful._

Shikamaru is angry with her, but for the first time in a while, Ino Yamanaka actually does not care. They are eating lunch together, Ino-Shika-Cho (because they'll never stop being a team), and Ino simply grins at him, radiant and golden-haired and cheerful. He frowns back at her.

Ino finally tells Chouji about her new position, that lunch. Chouji takes it better than she expects him to - no one wants to know that their teammate has been keeping secrets - and in the end, his reaction is far different than Shikamaru's.

"Damn," he finally says, surprise coloring his round features before understanding flashes through his eyes and whirls on Shikamaru, "is _that_ why you've been so grumpy lately?"

Shikamaru opens his mouth to reply, and then pauses, because Ino's killing intent is clear and present, even though she's smiling at him.

"Shikamaru," and if she clenches her chopsticks a little more tightly than usual, well, who was going to notice? Ino levels her smile at Shikamaru and says, "to put it nicely, you don't know shit. Your concern is sweet, but I like Torture and Interrogation and I intend on staying there."

They stare at each other for what seems like to be an eternity.

The war has changed everyone and everything. Rebuilding Konoha is still in process; Kakashi has been selected to succeed Tsunade as Hokage, Shikamaru has been given a position as head advisor to the newly formed Shinobi Union, and Chouji is preparing for promotion to jounin. Everyone is moving on and they will never stop being a team, _Ino-Shika-Cho,_ but all three of them are going separate ways nevertheless.

Ino stares down Shikamaru, wide bright blue eyes against narrow calculating black ones, and thinks the Torture and Interrogation division is exactly where she belongs.

"...troublesome woman," the Nara finally mutters, and returns to his food. Then he shoots a narrowed glare at Chouji. "What about _you?_ "

Chouji blanks for a moment. Ino knows that despite Chouji's lighthearted exterior, he probably shares Shikamaru's sentiments. Interrogation is not clean and pretty or romantic, and it's so _not_ _Ino,_ and it can sometimes skirts the line of ethics, especially when combined with the usage of mind jutsu.

But then sweet sweet Chouji shrugs, and laughs sheepishly, "Ino's so bossy, anyways. Maybe it makes sense for her to be an interrogator."

Her heart swells. "Damn right," Ino agrees, beaming, and snags a piece of meat from his plate in gratitude.

Chouji lets out a whine at her actions, and then slumps in resignation. "So Ino, besides Shikamaru and now me, who else knows about your position?"

"Sakura," Ino tells him, "Ibiki-san and Tsunade-sama, of course, although I think Kakashi-sensei also knows, given that he's about to succeed as Hokage in a bit. Everyone already in the division. And Sai."

Chouji, who was nodding along beforehand, freezes, and then squints at her. "... _Sai?_ "

"He brought a missing-nin in," Ino explains, suddenly feeling defensive. "Several weeks ago. And. Uh. We ended up talking."

Chouji blinks, and then repeats himself, " _Sai?_ "

"He's ANBU," Ino retorts, and to her intense mortification she is now blushing hard, heat rising to the tips of her ears. She looks down at her food quickly, but not before she catches Shikamaru's expression.

" _Sai_ found out _before_ me?" Chouji also sees Shikamaru's face. "You _knew!_ " he cried, jabbing chopsticks accusingly at Shikamaru, "you _knew_ Sai knew!"

Shikamaru pinches the bridge of his nose, frowning. "It was a little obvious." Then he shoots Ino a narrowed look of suspicion. "You talk to Sai a lot?"

"But-but- Sai's so _creepy,_ " Chouji sounds scandalized, even through a mouthful of food. "I mean, he was way weirder before, but he's still so... _creepy._ "

Ino opens her mouth to protest, and then stops. Because Shikamaru is still giving her that suspicious look, that look that he always wears when playing shogi and usually means that he knows exactly what she is thinking (even though she's the Yamanaka, not him). And if there's anything that Ino absolutely does not want Shikamaru to read into, it's her feelings. Or her thoughts. Or anything, really.

(Because no matter what, Ino's always been transparent to Shikamaru. And she's always hated that.)

 _I could break you,_ a tiny part of her abruptly thinks, _you and your goddamn brilliant brain. It would be easy._ And then she blinks, because the sharp feeling that is now swirling in her gut frightens and confuses her. Since when did she start thinking thoughts like _that?_

Because it's an unspoken rule, an unbreakable law, an iron-steel promise, her father's soothing voice reminds her. _Yamanakas never use their power on their friends._

And then, traitorously, _the minds of shinobi are weak._

All of a sudden, she's not quite so hungry anymore.

.

.

.

Two weeks later, Sai is sent on a mission.

It's a solo mission, the kind of mission he always goes on these days - the Shinobi Union is a newly formed thing, a squealing screaming baby that no one quite knows how to deal with, and ninja forces have been extraordinarily understaffed after the war.

It's just another assassination, but it's _tiring._ The guards are actual shinobi this time, and Sai wastes precious time and chakra escaping a genjutsu that he normally would have recognized if he hadn't expended so much ink chasing down another set of attackers. His weapon flashes in the moonlight. Ink flares from his brushes and his scrolls; tigers, wolves, birds and snakes. His mask feels cold and tight against his skin, splattered with blood and mud and ink.

The familiarity of ROOT training whispers beneath his skin. _Do not hesitate. Do not feel. Focus on the enemy; kill them all and leave no witnesses. Kill them all and prove your loyalty. Kill them all and fulfill your orders; emotions are weak, emotions are useless, killkill **kill** -_

Sai slams down cages on his own thoughts behind heavy iron gates and bites his tongue so hard he draws blood. The thick metal taste that wells within his mouth is enough to distract him; enough for him to draw restraining snakes instead of venomous ones and to strike an enemy with the hilt of his ninjato instead of the sharp lethal edge. It earns him a long gash across his forearm and the sting of a shuriken along his ribs, but it's worth it.

By the time it's over, Sai is exhausted. He is covered in blood and ink and surrounded by bodies. But it's too late to worry about cleanup. He had acted recklessly this mission, expended too much chakra in an attempt to catch up to his target.

 _Emotions are weak –_

Sai sheathes his ninjato, inhales the scent of chakra-infused ink and newly spilled blood. He stares at the room around him, filled with bodies freshly bleeding.

His target is dead. But no one else is, except the unlucky few who will bleed out before help arrives. He's not _that_ merciful.

There is a frustrating ache in his limbs, and they are not quite as responsive as he would prefer. Sai allows himself two soldier pills, grimacing at the artificial energy that floods his limbs and his chakra system. It's not a comfortable feeling, but it's enough for him to run.

Sai shakes off the whispers that hum under his skin, and heads back to Konoha.

.

.

.

This is how Ino finds him.

He has entered from one of the side passages, one that goes beneath Konoha's walls, one that leads to the ANBU headquarters. He expects the staring eyes of other ANBU members as they take in his appearance. He does not expect golden hair and bright blue eyes, turning to catch sight of him.

Is it weird that Ino recognizes him immediately?

Ino supposes so, since ANBU members are supposed to be unidentifiable. But it's impossible for this ANBU member to be anyone _but_ Sai. There is ink smeared across his skin and a familiarity to his gait, and his ANBU mask is the only one that doesn't feature an animal.

She turns back to the ANBU member she had been speaking with, and passes him a slim file. "This one's about the recent one you guys dragged in," she chirps sweetly, "now, if you'll excuse me, Bear-san? I just saw someone I know."

Without waiting for a response, she turns and chases after Sai, who is steadily making his way up the stairs to the surface. She falls in step next to him.

"Ink freak," she greets cheerfully.

There is a pause in his step. Too late, Ino remembers that the last time they'd seen each other, she'd been drunk out of her mind and had kissed him on the cheek. Hmm. Maybe not the best move, in retrospect. Sai doesn't seem to understand conventional flirting techniques.

A sigh. "Ugly," the ANBU member inclines his head at her, and Ino nearly swoons at the richness of his voice, because exhaustion has made his tone low and deep and extremely appealing. Until she realizes that he's used that infernal nickname again.

" _Ugh,_ " she glowers at him, throwing her hands up in exasperation, "will you stop saying that? For someone who's trying to pick up on more social conventions, you sure know how to insult other people and making them _not_ like you."

There's no response as they emerge from the ANBU tunnel and into bright sunlight.

Ino realizes Sai is uncharacteristically sluggish in his movements: his every step is heavy, and his breathing is slow but shallow.

"…Sai?" she manages, right before he stumbles clumsily over his own feet. Ino yelps and hurriedly steadies him, allowing him to slump against her shoulder. She's not a medic-nin, not by a long shot, but a quick once-over confirms her suspicions. "Wow, you're an idiot. What kind of shinobi doesn't recognize his own chakra exhaustion?"

"Not an idiot," he murmurs against her skin, causing her to freeze up slightly. His words are nearly unintelligible. "...soldier pills...wore out."

She recovers with grace, and swiftly hauls his arm over her shoulder, even though he smells awful and he is getting blood in her hair. It's an uncomfortable position - he is much taller than her, and his mask is digging into her shoulder. She gently pries the mask fully off of his head and tucks it under her arm, grimacing at the slick ink and dried blood that is probably now on her skin. "Tsk. Fine, where to, ink freak? Hospital? Where do you live? Or…Sai? _Hey,_ can you hear me?"

No reply. Ino pauses.

"Did you just... _fall asleep_ on me?"

 _Unbelievable._ If she hadn't been here, what had he been going to do, collapse in the middle of the street?

She frowns at him, testing the deadness of his limbs, the shallowness of his breathing, and the vestiges of her own chakra reserves. How far can she carry this guy? Not the hospital, that was for sure; that was on the other side of the village. She didn't have the resources to carry his dead weight across that kind of distance.

"Damn," she mutters to the unconscious former ROOT member, channeling chakra into her limbs to continue supporting him as she begins walking, "you look thin, but you sure weigh a ton."

 _Must be all muscle,_ she thinks, and then banishes that thought, because seriously, it's distracting enough to feel the defined leanness of his forearms and biceps around her shoulders, and she really shouldn't be focusing on the definite six-pack he's sporting underneath his clothing. Damn hormones.

And gross, he's getting blood and ink all over her clothes.

 _So where to?_

.

.

.

* * *

 **notes:**

\- to that one guest reviewer who won't sign in so i can't respond to you in a PM, yes! I saw your review and was like, SaiIno? why not! and then ended up actually writing it. so thank you, because i'm actually quite enjoying myself. and yeah, he called her Ugly the first time that they met, and then switched to Beautiful because Sakura told him to say the opposite of what he thought. I guess...right now, Sai is taking her advice very seriously.

\- yes, I am bending canon. as in, canon-after-the-war events, for decidedly plot reasons. also because i think ino deserves some badassery.


	4. exhaustion

**title:** the opposite of beautiful

 **summary:** It takes a moment for the world to stop spinning, another moment to register clear blue eyes and silky golden hair.

 **pairing:** sai x ino

 **chapter:** 4\. exhaustion

 **disclaimer:** I do not own Naruto.

* * *

Sai becomes dimly aware that he is lying on his back, on a cold, hard, tiled floor. Then he realizes that he has been stripped of all of his gear; there is no ninjato pressing against his back and no mask fitted against his face, no heavy weight of a scrolls pouch against his hip. Instead there is a scent of flowers in the air.

There is a hard tugging at his gloves, baring his pale hands, and then white cold panic runs down his spine because _where am I where are my weapons where are my brushes and my scrolls –_

 _Never let them touch you. Leave no witnesses –_

His eyes fly open, body screaming, muscles aching and head spinning, and he lashes out at his assailant, knocking them hard into the ground and pinning their limbs down with his, except the ground is swirling and he blindly searches for a weapon, any weapon, before giving up and simply wrapping his hands around his assailant's throat, squeezing. It takes a moment for the world to stop spinning, another moment to register clear blue eyes and silky golden hair.

Sai immediately loosens the pressure on her neck, and sits up so abruptly that the world lurches. It is a large, spacious bathroom he is in, painted walls and white-tiled floors, clearly Ino's. She must have taken him to her home after he'd collapsed, perhaps because it was closer than the hospital.

He is breathing laboriously, limbs trembling from the strain. _Chakra exhaustion,_ he manages to think, recognizing the pallor of his skin and the coldness in his chakra system. Fear and adrenaline thud in his system, but he tells himself not to move.

Ino Yamanaka rubs at the base of her neck.

For one absurd, heartbeat-clenching moment, he is frightened to look at her, because he doesn't know if her clear blue eyes are going to reflect the monster that croons beneath his skin instead of him. So he focuses on the wall instead, his breathing harsh in his ears, desperately caging away every piece of ROOT that is still trying to bubble to the surface.

Silence. He does not know what to say.

Slowly, Ino sits up. Sai catches golden hair and the faint pink-red hint of fingertips against her neck, and looks away.

Then Ino surprises him. She smiles.

" _Sai_ ," she purrs, her sing-song voice sweeping down Sai's spine like a feather, "I'm glad you're awake. Now get off me." When he doesn't react, she shoves him. "I said _move_ , ink freak."

He obeys, clumsily sliding off of her, whereas she gets gracefully to her feet. He is still debating on the best method to stand up when she leans down and helps him to his feet, slim fingers pulling against his shoulders. There is a sting of pain along his forearm and side as he stands; wounds from the mission. Ino eyes him, and then clearly decides that he in no way capable of taking care of himself.

"Strip," she orders, and there is a sudden flush of confusion down his neck, and at the same time a weird pleasantness in his gut. Sai looks at her uncomprehendingly, and she rolls her eyes.

"You need to take a shower, dumbass." Oh. So that was why she had removed all his gear and his gloves. Sai feels unusually foolish for his previous overreaction. Then he twitches when Ino barks, "hurry up!"

He obliges. When he peels away the jacket and shirt from his body and tosses them clumsily to the floor, a flinching pain sears up his elbow.

Sai blinks at the sensation, and then turns to Ino, who has grabbed his hand.

She is frowning at his wound. He'd stopped the bleeding with chakra on instinct, but it is still raw and red, a long gash that stretches from elbow to wrist.

"Nothing to concern yourself with, Ugly."

A glow, and then there is a cold prickle of healing jutsu against the long laceration. Sai blinks in surprise.

"Shut up," Ino tells him. Her healing jutsu is slightly painful and crackles against his skin unevenly, completely different from Sakura's. It's clear that she's used to healing others - Sai remembers a little late that Ino had once worked in the Konoha hospital - and yet the feeling is uncomfortable, like pinpricks against his skin instead of a soothing glow. But at the same time Sai does not stop her. "Turn around."

Another sting against his side. Ino is healing the gash against his ribs.

"Sorry," he finally says, lamely. "For earlier." The fingerprints around her throat have faded by now, but the memory still twists at his gut.

Ino blinks at him. "It's a normal reaction. For shinobi, I mean."

.

It hadn't been a normal reaction. Not until after the war. But Ino will never forget the day she tried to wake Shikamaru up from his nap and ended up seized by shadows, a kunai pressed against her own neck, or the day Chouji flew awake and nearly tossed Shikamaru through a wall. It's rare to still have nightmares, but it still occurs occasionally.

Sai's skin is freakishly pale, whiter than her own fingers. But his pale skin doesn't hide the wiriness of muscle underneath, or the multitude of scars that stretch along his ribs. Ino remembers the uniform he used to wear - midriff bared - and suppresses an eye-roll. How Sai managed not to have his intestines pierced is a testament to both his skill and his idiocy.

Then again, their future Hokage wore orange on a daily basis. And Sai's abs are _really_ nice.

Ino scowls at her own inability to control her hormones, and steps back, satisfied with her work. "There. Won't even scar. I'll go turn on the shower, okay?"

.

His socks and shoes joins his jacket and shirt on the floor. As the hiss of the shower spray turns on behind him, Sai feels a small surge of gratitude for Ino's decision not to take him to the hospital. No matter the shallow emotions he is capable of feeling, he's always held a certain level of dislike towards the Konoha hospital, no matter how experienced or capable of a healer Sakura is. It is a dislike that he knows many others share. Sterile environments that don't allow weapons and force people to stay in bed tend not to sit well with ninja.

A strangled cough interrupts his thoughts. He turns to look at Ino as he hooks his thumbs against the waistband of his boxers, before he recognizes the very uncomfortable expression on her face and the intense way she is staring at the ground.

Oh. He had forgotten, this strange aversion to states of undress that other people held.

"I'll – I'll just wait outside. Um, twist the knob to the left for warm water, I put a towel by the door, holler if you need anything, uh - "

"You should stay," he says pleasantly, and Ino stammers to a halt.

If Ino had been hiding a blush before, she wasn't hiding it now. It's an attractive look on her, he decides, luminescent beneath her clear skin, spreading to the tips of her ears. "Wh-wh-wh-"

"I'm feeling so uncoordinated that I might slip," he admits, "and I would prefer it if I didn't injure myself. In such an event, it would be best to have someone make sure I don't fall asleep in order to ensure my safety." There is a dangerous heaviness to his limbs and a fearsome emptiness in his chakra coils, after all.

"O-oh."

"I'll keep my boxers on for the sake of your comfort, Ugly. Please don't worry."

.

Ino splutters.

First that awful, entirely inaccurate, _slanderous_ nickname, and then he takes his sweet time with the hot water. This is _her_ water bill she's going to have to end up paying, godammit, and – and – his back muscles are clearly defined beneath pale skin, and they _ripple_ with his movements, and there is water cascading around his skin downwards – shit.

Ino shakes herself, busying herself by collecting all of Sai's discarded clothing and throwing them into a basket, sneaking glances at him when she can. There is blood and mud on her tiles and herself she quickly heads for her own room and changes out of her clothing into an old t-shirt and pair of shorts, dumping her clothing into the basket with Sai's. That being said, he'd probably need a change of clothing as well.

She grimaces at the blood that has somehow wedged itself into the ends of her ponytail, and returns back to the bathroom to check on Sai.

He moves lethargically, his movements careful and controlled, and there is a faint trembling to his limbs that she knows is dangerous. She knows he's not taking up hot water on purpose. He's so exhausted he can't even lift his arms properly.

After five minutes of watching him struggle to clean out the filth in his hair and deliberating on the extent of her hormones, Ino gives up. Hot body or not, Sai is just painful to watch.

She pulls open the shower door with far more confidence that she feels, whips out a stool, and tugs him onto the stool with more force than necessary.

"Ugly?" He stumbles at her forceful grip, but is far too tired to resist when she hauls him down to sit on the stool.

"Shut up and let me clean your hair," she growls.

The water stings at her arms. Ino is glad that she is only wearing an old t-shirt and shorts, and had changed out of her previous nicer clothing, because at least she doesn't have to worry about water ruining this set. Lathering up soap between her palms, she forces Sai's head underneath the stream of water and begins scrubbing away all the grime. She definitely does not think about the well-muscled, taut and _warm_ back muscles in front of her. Right now, her entire focus is trying to get the blood out of Sai's hair. The tiles of her shower turn a sickening red hue from the bloodied water, and she grimaces. Exactly what kind of mission had he been sent on?

Sakura had asked her to help run the Konoha hospital, after the war. Ino is certain that if she had accepted, she would have been much better suited to responding to this kind of situation. She checks his chakra exhaustion; it is still at dangerous levels. So he needs sleep, and food. Maybe food first? But he was so tired that she doubted he'd be able to eat anything. At least she'd closed his wounds.

Satisfied with her scrubbing of his hair, she leans over and turns the water off, when she sees Sai's expression.

His eyes are closed, breathing even. If anything, Ino would say that his expression was… _open._ Relaxed. Tired, but at ease.

"Come on," she says, a little more gently this time, "you irresponsible, clueless, emotionless freak. Let's get you to bed."

.

The sting of the cold air against his water-slicked limbs is enough to jolt Sai into some degree of alertness. Ino hands him a towel, and he quickly runs it through his hair before looking down at his dripping wet boxers, and then back at Ino. She opens her mouth, blushes, and then turns sharply away. Sai takes this as permission and sheds his boxers, securing the towel around his waist instead.

She's not looking, which he finds strangely respectful of her. From what he knows about Ino, she'd always been overly cheerful and flirty to the point of vulgarity. Instead of her ogling him like he expected, he's treated to a frustrated and yet careful treatment of his chakra exhaustion.

He pauses. She's dripping water as well, her t-shirt soaked and hair limp against her neck. Even from the back, he can make out the contours of her body; a little on the thin side, but well-proportioned, and just enough hint of muscle to suggest that she was more than a civilian.

 _Hmm._ Another discovery. Is this be what people consider _physical attraction?_ But it goes a little deeper than that, Sai thinks. She is in essence taking care of another person with a level of attentiveness that undermines all her grumblings and complaints. It is unorthodox, to say the least. He would have expected that kind of treatment from a medic-nin, like Sakura, or a nicer person, like the Hyuuga heiress. Certainly not Ino.

"Thank you," he says, very quietly, but his voice echoes in the large bathroom. She turns back to him.

"Chakra exhaustion is no joke," she replies, sniffing slightly, and then maneuvers him out the door. "I – I found some clothes that should probably fit you."

When she faces away from him again, he pulls on the clothes that Ino has laid out for him – the shirt is too large and hangs against his thin, wiry frame, and Sai finds it odd that Ino would have men's boxers in her apartment, but he tugs them on anyway. The pants hang low against his hips but don't fall. He looks around for his gear, wondering how late it is and how far away his own apartment is when the world lurches again around his feet.

"Sai? Sai?" Worry in her voice. A warm hand against his bicep, steering him away from the window and towards the bed. Black on the edges of his vision.

"Thank you for the clothes. Are these your father's?" he asks, stupidly, because the world is spinning and he is too exhausted to worry about not sounding like an idiot.

The hand on his arm stills. Sai regrets his words immediately.

"Go to sleep, ink freak."

"My apartment is a couple minutes from here." But only if he travels on the rooftops. In his current state, it will probably take half an hour, and isn't that funny, the floor is swaying. He is shoved towards the bed.

Ino sighs. She sounds like Shikamaru when she sighs, Sai realizes, probably because she's spent so much time with him as a team. Has he similarly picked up on any of Naruto's traits? Or Sakura's? He doubts it - team or not, he had only been a later addition, a stand-in for Sasuke. Then he blinks. Since when was he staring at the ceiling? The bed is very warm. And very comfortable. Did Ino just pull blankets over him?

The girl in mention swings into view, bright blue eyes and golden hair and very annoyed expression. Then she puts a hand over his forehead.

"Ino?" he asks. But he is too tired to react to the prickle of chakra against his forehead.

"Just go to _sleep,_ you delirious half-twit," Ino snaps irritatedly, and because orders are orders, Sai goes the fuck to sleep.

.

.

.

* * *

 **notes:**

\- welcome to episode one of ptsd-leads-to-fluff! yay!

\- ino has lots of hormones. sai does not.

\- reviews are lovely and greatly appreciated. constructive criticism welcome. thanks!


	5. warmth

**title:** the opposite of beautiful

 **summary:** "I hate it when Sakura decides to throw trees at me instead of me at trees."

 **pairing:** sai x ino

 **chapter:** 5\. warmth

 **disclaimer:** I do not own Naruto.

* * *

Warmth. Sai is not used to waking up warm.

He's not used to waking up on a bed this soft, either. His eyes snap open, and he sits up abruptly, blinking at the bright light spilling from the window.

The room is unfamiliar.

He remembers the events of the night before, and sighs. There is still a lethargy to his limbs, and he presses a hand to his stomach, feeling ravenously hungry. The side-effects of taking two consecutive soldier pills are no joke.

He's in what is clearly Ino's room, which is oddly sparse, colored only by the multitudes of flowers that decorate the space atop wooden tables and in small glass vases. Sai blinks at the purple comforter beneath his fingers. So this must be Ino's bed. Where is Ino, then?

The rattle of a doorknob. A hiss of steam as the door opens.

Ino stares at him, clad only in a scandalously short towel, hands paused mid-movement in running a separate towel through her hair.

Sai stares back.

Because…because…Sai has always known that Ino is by far considered the prettiest of the kunoichi in her year, but this is on a completely different level.

The fact that he doesn't do anything _besides_ stare is basically a testament to his self-control of supernatural proportions. All he can register are smooth, long legs and perfectly toned arms, a slim neck and curves that threaten to spill from the edge of that towel. There are faint droplets of water that run down from her damp, long hair down her neck and down to her angled and delicious-looking collarbone, pausing slightly at that ridge of bone before sliding lower, lower –

Ino screeches, and the door slams shut.

Sai becomes aware of his own racing pulse, and clamps down on the unexpected surge of _want_ he suddenly feels. It curls in his gut, having nothing to do with the hunger in his stomach, and he glances down at his own hands, trying to control his breathing. He doesn't even know exactly what he wants.

He wants to draw her, he thinks helplessly, after a minute. He wants to feel her skin beneath his fingers and try to translate the creaminess onto paper. Or something like that.

The door slides open after a few minutes, and Ino emerges fully dressed. She glares at him. Sai smiles placidly.

"Ugly?" he offers, after an awkward minute of being glared at. "I'm sorry for inconveniencing you. Can I repay the favor with buying you lunch?"

Food is a good way to repay people, Sai has learned. It never fails in placating people.

Except at the darkening of Ino's features and the wicked grin that crawls up her face, Sai is afraid that he has done something wrong.

" _Lunch?_ " Ino chirps dangerously, "Sai, you nearly choked me last night, made me ruin a set of perfectly comfortable clothing, and then you took my bed. I'd say you owe me a hell lot _more_ than _lunch._ "

Sai is slow to follow. "So…lunch _and_ dinner?"

Her grin is downright terrifying. "For not sending your sorry ass to the hospital and wasting hot water on you, and _then_ letting you get an eyeful this morning, you're going to have to pay for more than a couple meals, ink freak." She flicks her hair, smiling smugly, and then folds her arms. "Now get up. Your chakra levels are still awful, and I'm taking the day off from T&I."

Sai is unnerved by the lack of a number of meals he's going to have to pay for. He considers arguing, but backs down at the look in Ino's eyes.

Nope. Not a battle worth fighting.

"I still need to debrief," he finally says weakly, in a last ditch attempt to escape. And then his traitorous, traitorous stomach lets out a growl.

Ino folds her arms and stares at him.

Sai amends his words, "...but perhaps, we can start off with breakfast?"

.

.

.

"Is there a reason, Sai?" Tsunade asks him, after his debrief. He only pauses, silent. The mask fitted around his face hides his expression.

"Reason for what, Hokage-sama?" Sai asks.

The golden-haired sannin frowns at him, unexpectedly weary expression on her face. "Sai, ever since the war, you always take solo missions. Never ones with a team. I understand that your ANBU position means you don't get to work with Team Seven as often, especially now that Sasuke's back, but that hardly makes you incapable of being in a team with others."

Oops. He had known this confrontation would be coming. Hadn't he?

"Teamwork, Hokage-sama…" he began, and then hesitated. There were so many excuses he could give. So many ways to avoid this discussion. "…teamwork has never been my strong point."

Pointing fingers in the dark. Accusing glances, wary looks. The deadly traitorous whispering in his blood.

No one wants an ex-ROOT operative on their team, even if he is an ANBU operative now. No one wants to remember Danzo, or the truth of their beautiful Konoha. Sai is aware, and he is okay with that. He doesn't really want to remember, either.

"Sai," Tsunade says wearily, "You are still a shinobi of Konoha. Reconstruction of the village is finishing up and the Shinobi Union is finally settling down. I know the workload has been pretty heavy these past six months, which is why most teams have been split into one or two people per mission, but now that things are returning to normal I see no point in keeping things the way they are right now."

Then his Hokage throws him for a loop. She leans over and says,

"Within this next half-year, all four-member ANBU teams will be reassembled. I want you to serve as an ANBU captain. Is that alright?"

He stumbles, caught off-guard. "C-captain?"

"Don't be so surprised, Sai. You've never failed a mission, even high-risk solo ones. Isn't that something worthy of consideration? Besides, our ANBU forces took a hit during the war, and we're lacking ANBU captains. Go talk to Yamato; he'll give you everything you need."

Being an ANBU captain...meant a lot of things. For one thing, he'd be able to pick his own team, and his own missions. For another, he'd be able to plan out the missions to take, which gave him considerable more time to work around a schedule of his own making.

It takes Sai a moment to recognize the emotion stirring in his stomach: _excitement._

"Understood, Hokage-sama," he nods, and goes to find Ino.

.

.

.

Within the week, ANBU teams are being reassembled, Sai ends up paying for two more of Ino's meals, and Yamato tosses a stack of papers at him.

"A list of available active ANBU operatives, potential recruits, and their respective strengths and weaknesses. Take a look and pick whoever you want." The mokuton user pauses, and then grins at him. "Congrats, by the way. ANBU captain is quite an achievement."

Sai smiles back, and it is an oddly genuine one. "Thank you."

Yamato shrugs. "Just remember that team rosters are due at the end of the week. Everything else about your team is entirely up to your own personal judgement."

Sai eyes the sizable stack in front of him, and then grimaces. He's not entirely keen on sorting through the entire pile - but more importantly, it's a Saturday. Saturday means Team Seven training sessions.

.

.

.

Training with Team Seven is always...interesting.

Sai jumps onto his ink falcon not a second too soon, because the ground that he was originally on completely erupts into jagged spikes of earth. Snakes burst from his scrolls outwards, slithering lightning-fast towards pink hair and chakra-glowing fists, only to be struck down into blobs of ink by _real_ snakes, fangs dripping venom, maw wide.

" _Juvenile,_ " Sasuke grins ferally at him, taunting, and then is promptly tossed ten feet into the air by a bright orange blur.

"EAT THAT, TEME!" Naruto crows, but Sai fails to notice the rest of their exchange because his bird's neck has just been severed by a well-aimed kunai and is rapidly disappearing beneath his knees. Scrolls flare; tigers and wolves and lions spill out from his brush and lunge towards Sakura -

\- who smashes them apart like they're nothing. Sai sighs, and then twists his chakra. Ink creatures that have splattered uselessly against the ground shiver and cohere together again, reforming into snakes and mice and foxes at the medic-nin's feet.

"Shit!" Sakura yelps, surprised, and _stomps_ hard, splitting the ground and smashing apart his ink creations once more, and Sai sighs again. He lands quickly behind Sakura, tanto already in his hands, and all of a sudden they are in close-range combat, fists flying against glinting steel. He doesn't land any hit damaging enough to be a hindrance, but he does score a gash against her forearm and shoulder. Most of his effort is spent dodging Sakura's lethal punches - she's holding back chakra with that pinpoint control of hers; enough not to rip him apart if she actually scores a hit, but still knock him out if a punch lands.

Sai dislikes sparring with Sakura. His taijutsu is well above average, but Sakura's specialty is close-range combat, and within minutes it's clear who has the upper hand. Sai hops backwards, ducking low and flipping backwards in order to avoid Sakura's fierce assault, and decides that it's time to retreat.

"Dickless, switch with me!" he yells out right before an ink bird blooms beneath his feet and he shoots upwards. Sakura screeches several obscenities at his escape - she's earth based, and can't follow him into the air, and he hurls several kunai at her for good measure before he jumps off the bird and into the trees.

It's easy to follow Sasuke and Naruto's spar - they have literally left a trail of destruction in their wake. Sai hears the tell-tale crackle of _chidori_ and the singing of electricity in a blade before he comes abruptly face to face with the Uchiha himself, sharingan blazing.

 _Not fair,_ Sai decides when he sees the spinning red tomoe in Sasuke's eyes, and swiftly breaks apart the triple-layered genjutsu that Sasuke has settled over them before ink creations burst from the ground towards Sasuke's back.

Naruto lands heavily three meters away, laughing, his chakra blooming with just a _hint_ of Kyuubi, and then is promptly smashed through a tree by Sakura's fist.

"TAKE THAT!" Sakura cries, and then Naruto bounds up from the wreckage, shaking tree-splinters from his bright yellow hair, grinning wide, and charges at Sakura again. Sai doesn't have time to ruminate on the fact that Naruto just took one of Sakura's punches like a _total_ _champ_ , because Sasuke is lunging at him, snakes flaring from his sleeves and electricity crackling dangerously in his chokuto. In the following flurry of attacks, Sai deflects several shuriken, ducks a swing and a stab, and retaliates with several ink beasts of his own.

"You _really_ like your genjutsu, don't you?" he comments dryly, dispelling what must be the fifteenth or sixteenth attempt at bringing him under. He's lucky that Sasuke isn't using the Mangekyou yet - the moment the Uchiha's pupils shift, Sai knows that a tactical retreat is by far the better option.

Then again, it's just a spar, and everyone has given themselves limitations. Sakura isn't punching at full power, Sasuke isn't using his Mangekyou, Naruto isn't relying too heavily on his Kyuubi or shadow clones, and Sai isn't using his lethal poisoned ink. And by _kami,_ none of the three are allowed to use large-scale summons. Konoha would probably be razed to the ground a second time.

Sai flattens himself to the dirt and quickly rolls away as a fireball slams into the position he had been standing in moments before, and then his ink tiger explodes from the grass and slams into Sasuke's chest, knocking the Uchiha down. Sai is on his feet instantly, two more beasts flowing from his scrolls, snarling, when -

"- AAHHHH SHIT! SAI, WATCH OUT!" and then all of a sudden Naruto descends from the sky in a blur of panicking orange clothing, Sai is knocked flat to the ground beneath hyperactive limbs, air knocked out of his lungs, and - Sai squints -

 _\- is that a tree?_

"SHANNARO, BITCH!" Sakura screams, arms wrapped around the tree trunk, and hurls the entire damn thing at them.

"...We give," Sai raises his arms weakly from beneath Naruto, just as the tree trunk crashes into the ground beside them and sends them flying. Sai coughs, stomach lurching dizzily as he is flung through the air, and then his ink bird swoops in and snatches him and Naruto to safety. The world is still spinning incoherently when the bird settles carefully back down to the ground, dust still settling around them.

A pop, and the bird returns to ink, sliding back into his scrolls. Sai blinks up at the blinding blue sky, waiting for his limbs to stop burning.

There is a brief moment of glorious silence. Sai resists the urge to pant from exertion and instead breathes slow and steady, blinking away the dizziness in his head.

" _Ow,_ " Naruto moans, next to him, and Sai agrees nonverbally. "I hate it when Sakura decides to throw trees at me instead of me at trees." It's a testament to Naruto's unique jinchuuriki status that the orange-clad boy is still hardly out of breath.

Approaching footsteps. Sai turns his head and squints at Sakura's bright pink hair and at Sasuke, who's arm is slung over her shoulder. His ink tiger slinks behind them, growling softly. Sai reaches out for his ink creature, and it obeys, melting back into a puddle which quickly drains back into the scroll jammed uncomfortably on his back.

"We win, guys!" Sakura cheers, and then plops down beside them, breathing hard.

Sasuke grunts, but he is breathing hard, too, and there is the bare trace of a smile on his usually stoic expression. "Good match," he finally says.

"We totally kicked your ass," Sakura beams. "Although you surprised me, Sai. I didn't think your ink creatures could reform like that. I got pretty scared for a moment."

Sasuke sits down heavily as well, and then gives Sakura a strange look. "...You tossed a _tree_ at them."

"Well, I tossed Naruto _through_ a tree, and that didn't seem to bother him at all, so I'd thought I'd try the other way around," Sakura explains, as if it made perfect sense to throw trees at people. Sai groans, and sits up.

"So," Sakura continues cheerfully, flushed at her morning's successful beatdown of Konoha's future Hokage and soon-to-be ANBU captain, "guys? Lunch?"

"Can't," Naruto and Sai chorus together. And then they both pause, and look at each other in confusion.

"I promised Hinata I'd help her train today," Naruto admits sheepishly, at the same time that Sai shrugs and says, "I have been forced into paying a so far unenumerated number of meals for Ino."

"The _Hyuuga?_ " Sasuke exclaims, looking scandalized, but then abruptly shuts up, because Sakura's expression has darkened like a thundercloud. The pink-haired medic nin lunges up from her sitting position and seizes Sai's collar, hauling him upwards.

"My _best friend_ _?_ " she hisses at him.

"...Beautiful?" Sai starts weakly, attempting to appeal to Sakura's vanity, and then chokes as Sakura's grip tightens around his collar.

"I cannot _believe_ you! How did I not hear about this? Since when are you _dating Ino?_ "

Well, never really. Sai has never dated anyone before, much less considered the notion of romantic attachment to Ino. At his confused expression, Sakura lets out a helpless exasperated noise.

" _How_ did this happen?" And then she shakes her head. "I swear, Sai, if you hurt her I will break _every single one_ of your bones, starting from your toes to your spine, and then heal you just so I can have the pleasure of snapping all of your vertebrae again. You understand?"

Sai is still confused and more than a little nervous. Sakura is still constricting his windpipe, so he just nods. The medic-nin glares at him, but then releases her chokehold on his collar.

As air rushes back into his lungs, Sai rubs his throat uncomfortably, wondering what he has gotten himself into.

"Ino and I are not dating," he says, finally.

Sakura gapes.

"I simply owe her several meals because I ended up crashing overnight at her apartment due to chakra exhaustion." Then he pauses, and reaffirms, with more conviction. "We may have seen each other in an indecent level of clothing, but we are not dating."

Sakura is gaping at him still. Sasuke raises one of his eyebrows and sneers perfectly. Even Naruto is staring at him like he's grown a second head.

"We are _not dating_ ," Sai repeats with emphasis, faintly unnerved by his teammates. "...are we?"

.

.

.

Ino opens the door, looks at his appearance, and bursts out laughing.

Sai blinks at her. "What?"

She laughs again at his confusion, and then reaches out and presses her hand to his exposed stomach.

Sai jerks at the sudden contact of warm fingers against skin. Ino splays her fingers apart, pressing her palm flat against the sliver of exposed midriff. "Uh," he starts, and then stops, because Ino's fingers leave a pleasant warmth on his skin and he is not _entirely_ sure what that means.

"We match!" Ino chirps, and Sai naturally drops his gaze to - _oh._ Because Ino is wearing her typical cropped uniform today - dark purple to contrast with her golden hair (he's always admired her eye for color coordination, or perhaps lack thereof) and he supposes that it is funny that they are both walking around with an exposed midriff. He'd never even thought about that. These days, her purple combo is usually covered by a green vest, and his typical uniform is often replaced by ANBU standard issue.

She shuts the door behind her and is already moving past him towards the street when he asks, "are we dating?"

Ino chokes, nearly tripping over her feet. When she regains her balance and spins around to face him, her face is a curious shade of pink. She gawks at him for a couple seconds.

"N-n-no," she finally stammers out. "Of course not. Who gave you that idea?"

Sai shrugs, doesn't answer Ino's question, and then follows her to Yakiniki Q.

.

.

.

 _"...How?" Naruto is the first one to cry out in lament. "How did this happen?"_

 _Even Sasuke deems the situation worthy of comment. "This is...highly unexpected."_

 _Sakura jabs an accusing finger at him, spluttering. "Y-you guys ARE dating!" she finally gasps out, completely flabbergasted, and Sai feels oddly warm in his cheeks._

.

* * *

 **notes:**

\- fluff? oh yeah, we're getting into it now. it's not even over yet. there is more massive fluff approaching.

\- who do you think will be on Sai's ANBU team? let me know. it's not set in stone but i have ideas.

\- i'll be honest and say that fight scene developed a mind of its own. idk. i like fight scenes. raahh.


	6. excitement

**title:** the opposite of beautiful

 **summary:** Flowers are an Ino thing.

 **pairing:** sai x ino

 **chapter:** 6\. excitement

 **disclaimer:** I do not own Naruto.

* * *

"You sure?" Yamato raises an eyebrow at his selections. "There's not a single veteran in here. They're all newbies without any ANBU experience."

Sai shrugs. "I thought that considering my own history with the ANBU black ops, veterans wouldn't take kindly to being placed as my subordinate. Moreover, I believe that this is a well matched team."

Yamato looks down at his copy of Sai's chosen ANBU teams, and bursts out laughing. "Depending on the missions you take, it's a pretty thought out team. Maybe a little lacking in melee power, but ANBU operations rarely come down to close combat, anyway. But...the Hyuuga? You're inviting in clan politics with that one. She's the clan heir."

"Hanabi Hyuuga's ANBU contract involves a specific clause regarding her protection and priority as a clan heir. And she's only a temporary member; she won't even get a tattoo," Sai shrugs, and then points at the other two files. "Moreover, both Shino and Tenten have prior experience working in a team with a Byakugan. I thought her Jyuuken would be helpful in fixing the team's close melee deficit, because Shino's a tracker-nin and Tenten and I are more long to mid-range combat."

Yamato nodded thoughtfully, and then handed the files back to Sai. "I don't think you'll have a problem with your choices. Not a lot of captains are willing to train new recruits for their team. Given the fact that you've taken three rookies, you'll be given six months to train them into a team instead of the usual three."

And then he pauses. "Now that I think about it, Hanabi's twelve. And she's the heir. You know, with what happened the _last_ time a twelve year old, doujutsu-wielding clan heir got recruited into ANBU..."

Sai takes the files before Yamato's words sink in. Hanabi was indeed going to be one of the three youngest shinobi ever to join ANBU, the other two being Hatake Kakashi...and Uchiha Itachi.

 _The Uchiha Massacre._ The similarities are...scarily obvious.

Sai blinks. "I...had not considered that," he admits.

Yamato chuckles, shaking his head. "Well, then again, things are different now. Aren't they?"

.

.

.

Ino is a mediocre chakra sensor at best, so it completely freaks her out when Sai leans over her shoulder and says, "what are you doing?" right into her ear.

She reacts on reflex, jerking sharply away from the unexpected hot breath against her ear (damn you, hormones!) and whirls around to face the ex-ROOT member, heartbeat racing.

Sai blinks at the three poisoned senbon lying against his wrist. Ino hastily lifts them from his skin when she recognizes him, and then scowls.

"Don't _do_ that," she admonishes, "and don't take random chemicals into the greenhouse. I'm trying really hard to get all the colchicine out of this autumn crocus and I was _this_ close to poisoning you with the whole thing, ink freak."

"I am immune to most poisons as a result of my training in ROOT," Sai tells her, but scratches at the back of his head in what he probably means to be sheepishness. "Although your worry is well-placed, I doubt it'll affect me as seriously."

Ino pauses. She'd never really thought about that. And then she internally winces, because _of course, ROOT would subject its members to poison immunizations._ It's both something to be envied and something to be sad about.

He's not dressed in ANBU gear, but in his typical cropped ROOT uniform, and Sai looks completely out of place in the Yamanaka greenhouse. Ino takes a minute step away from him (because Sai is, you know, _right there_ , and doesn't seem to have fully grasped the idea of personal space) and suppresses a laugh. They are supposed to be meeting for lunch today, and she'd told him she'd be in the greenhouse.

But as usual, Sai is armed to the teeth and dressed in combat gear (because he probably doesn't have other clothes) and he's standing in the aisles of her greenhouse with such displaced ease, and...well, it's kind of hilarious. Because he's only surrounded by flowers, but he looks ready to fight a war.

(Really poisonous flowers that can kill someone in minutes. But. _Flowers_.)

"I _might_ have to cancel on lunch today," Ino admits to him a little shamefully. "We just got a sudden order for extra poisons, and my mother will throw a fit if I don't get finished by four o'clock."

"Poisons?" Sai asks, and then glances around him at the rows and rows of colorful flowers. "So these are all..."

"Deadly," Ino quips, and then shrugs. "This is the ninja-only section. So don't touch anything. You might be immune, but mixing poisons is never a good idea and I'd hate for you to die on me." Then, feeling cheeky, she waves her senbon at him, and then tucks them into her holster. "You wanna help? You came all the way here, anyway."

Which is how Sai ends up squatting next to her, wearing thick gloves that reach to his elbow, staring confusedly at a batch of aconitum, but gingerly handing the stems to her when she asks for it.

.

.

.

Flowers are an Ino thing.

Sai is now firmly convinced - flower shop or not, family business or not - there's something in the way that Ino interacts with flowers that makes him feel like a complete outsider.

She is dressed in a deep blue dress, foregoing her usual purple color scheme, and her hair is so long now that it grazes the (admittedly short) hemline of her dress. Despite standing in a greenhouse filled with poisonous flowers, she's wearing open-toed shoes. But there's something in the way she grasps the stem of a flower with one gloved hand, extracting poison with her other, the way her hands are steady and tremor-free and the way her long lashes flutter when she blinks. Something in the even and relaxed sound of her breathing, the clear sparkling blue of her eyes when she sets the flowers aside and fills up another vial.

Flowers are _home_ to Ino, and Sai can tell. He can tell because flowers to Ino are like what painting is to him.

"Ink freak?"

Sai jerks. Ino looks at him curiously with her wide blue eyes. She's blushing again, but trying to hide it. He'd been staring.

"Here," he says, and quickly offers the flowers in his hand to her. "Sorry. I got distracted."

She hums a noncommittal noise, not meeting his gaze, and takes the flowers.

.

He'd been staring at her.

But for all that Chouji thought Sai was creepy, there had been nothing indecent in the way Sai had been looking at her. Ino bites the inside corner of her mouth, suddenly feeling self-conscious.

She is used to people looking at her, with her thin but curvaceous body, long blonde hair and blue eyes, toned muscles and skin-revealing outfits and perfectly-applied makeup. She is used to catcalls and wolf-whistles from stupid men and perverted gazes following her when she walks past. It had bothered her at first, but she'd eventually gotten used to brushing them off.

Ino channels chakra to her palm and fingers, carefully drawing the poison out of the flower she is holding, and studiously ignores both the way Sai stares at her and the weird jitters inside her stomach.

He'd been looking at her with an indescribable expression on his normally blank face, and it had sent a sharp flutter down Ino's spine. Because he'd been looking at her not with lust, like she was used to, but with something akin to awe.

(Like he wanted to draw her.)

(And if that _doesn't_ just send her ego skyrocketing, Ino doesn't know what does.)

"So," she makes an attempt at conversation in order to distract herself from her thoughts, "I heard that you were going to be an ANBU captain, Sai. How is that going?"

Sai seems surprised at her question, but then recovers. "Well," he says, "I have a team in mind, but we'll have our first real training session a couple days from now..."

.

.

.

 _In Root, you have no name. You have no feelings. You have no past. You have no future. There is only the mission._

This is not ROOT.

Sai does not plaster a fake smile on his face.

Ino's been getting onto him lately about fake smiles - he knows she doesn't read minds unless she has to, but it still unnerves him at how good she is at telling lies from truths - and he's determined to get rid of that piece of ROOT training. Instead, he folds his arms, and frowns at the three new ANBU members in front of him.

"I had thought Konoha was known for teamwork," he finally says. "This is..."

The team had shown promise, at first. But Sai, being far from knowledgeable of the intricacies of clashing personalities, had not taken into account Hanabi's brash and stubborn disregard for orders she didn't agree with, or Tenten's easily irritable temper, or Shino's unnerving perfectionist streak.

On their own, each person was certainly formidable in their own right, and on paper, they made a good team. Except when you put them together...

"...a disaster," Sai concluded. He held up two bells. "With each of your abilities, it should have taken less than two hours for you to retrieve these bells from me. As it stands, it's been a full day."

Hanabi let out a sharp huff, and crossed her arms. "Two hours? That's a load of bull. You're just being _unfair_ right now."

Tenten shot the Hyuuga a short glare, and sat down heavily, breathing hard and wiping sweat from her brow. "Sai's hardly the one to blame here. I _told_ you my trap would work, except you had to go in and wreck everything because you wanted to get the bells first."

" _What?_ " The Hyuuga heiress is quick to lean down into the chinese girl's face, sneering, "your trap was _stupid._ As if he'd fall for something as dumb as hidden explosive tags!"

"In this case," Shino breaks in, just as Tenten is about to leap to her feet in anger, "I believe Hanabi is right. Sai-san is indeed being slightly unfair." As the two turn to gape at him, he just shrugs.

"Why?" he says, and then gestures vaguely. "Just look around you." Out of the three of them, he is the only one not out of breath, but there is a clear sheen of sweat on his forehead.

Sai lets out an exhale, and then scratches the back of his neck in what he hopes conveys sheepishness. "Well, if you put it that way...perhaps I _was_ being a little unfair."

Because the forest around them - if one can call it a forest, at this point - is completely, absolutely, irrevocably destroyed.

Tree trunks are splintered, and freshly gouged out; a few unlucky ones have actually fallen to the ground, and what boulders there had been before the training session are a cracked and broken up into hundreds of smaller pieces, courtesy of a particularly vicious Jyuuken sequence. Kunai and senbon litter the ground and the remaining, wounded tree trunks, and there is a constant, never-ending hum of kikaichu bugs that fill the air. To be honest, Sai is quite impressed. He had not created the team with brute force combat in mind, and yet with this display he is certain that they could probably hold their own, if it became necessary.

Because, you know. Forest. Wrecked.

Sai thinks about sparring with Team Seven, with Sakura's tree-breaking punches and Sasuke's Amaterasu and Naruto's overall habit of leaving Rasenshuriken craters everywhere, and reevaluates himself.

"I _am_ used to sparring against people with highly destructive tendencies," Sai admits, "which I had not considered to be a personal factor in my abilities. It was an oversight." Then he glances up at the sky, and sighs. "You guys are all most or close to chakra-exhausted. We'll resume tomorrow morning." Then he frowns at the forest around them. "We will probably take a different training ground as well."

.

.

.

"You ever miss Shin?" she drawls, abruptly. Sai places his wrapped bouquet down next to several other similar ones, but then picks up another set of unwrapped flowers. Only the slightest pause reveals his surprise at the question.

"Do you ever miss your father?" he finally responds, handing her the finished bouquet. She takes it without looking and reflexively hands him another set of carefully arranged flowers, freshly cut and green at the stems. Then she glances up at him.

There is an inexplicable expression on Ino's face. Then a sort of bitter twisted smile appears on her face, the kind of smile that Sai is not used to. It is not cheerful and pretty and unexpected; it's not even the forced-fake-warm one she wears during interrogations. It's a jagged-glass broken kind of smile and Sai finds himself both taken aback and sad at the same time.

"Every hour of every fucking day," she finally tells him, and Sai can only shrug. They don't need to say anything more to know that Sai feels the same way about Shin.

.

.

.

The next day, Sai stares up at the blinding blue sky, distinctly winded. Tenten squats next to him, grinning, and lifts away the axe pinning his arms down. Shino pushes up his glasses and the buzzing in Sai's ears recedes.

" _One_ hour," Hanabi crows, dangling the bells in front of his face tauntingly. "Not two. How's that for progress, _taichou?_ "

Sai sits up, smiles, and it is not fake.

.

.

.

On the one year anniversary of the end of the 4th Shinobi War, Konoha throws a festival.

Ino does not go, and neither does her team. In fact, none of the Konoha Eleven go.

Sai finds her sitting in front of two graves. Inoichi Yamanaka. Shikaku Nara. There are fresh flowers on both graves and her eyes are red and puffy as she stares at the ground where her father's body lies.

This is the girl who, at sixteen, telepathically linked the minds of thousands of shinobi in order to convey Shikamaru Nara's battle plans. This is girl who couldn't even pause to mourn her father's death, because she had a job to do. There had been lots of unsung heroes of the war, overshadowed by Naruto Uzumaki's brilliance.

She turns, and there are dried tear tracks down her cheeks and a dullness in her expression.

"Ink freak?" she mumbles.

Sai doesn't know what to say. There is no grave for Shin. There had never been one.

So instead, he draws out a folded piece of paper from his pocket, and places it beside the freshly offered flowers laying at the grave. Then he extends her a hand.

"You don't look so good, Gorgeous," he says, "come on."

She stares at him, puffy eyes, broken expression, and then at the piece of paper he has placed at her father's grave. It's not that surprising of a gesture; he's never quite known how to commemorate one's memories through flowers, anyway. Only drawings.

It's just a sketch, one that he hopes will suffice. He's only seen Ino's mother once or twice, so he wasn't _quite_ able to capture her as well as he would have liked, but it's clear to any observer what his drawing is: a family portrait, Inoichi and Ino and her mother, standing side by side. Ino is wearing her tokubetsu jounin vest with her T&I standard patch; it is mirrored on her father's. Sai hopes it's the kind of picture they would have taken eventually, had the war not happened.

His hand is cold, and her hand is trembling.

She grasps tight on his fingers anyway.

.

.

* * *

 **notes:**

\- fluff...fluff...where did you gooooo? don't worry, it comes back.

\- guys. guys. Ino is not going to be in ANBU. Ino in ANBU would be hella badass, but I'm not willing to completely screw canon over just so I can have a cool Anbu!Ino moment. Besides, you know I hinted at Sai's ANBU team in the first chapter, right? I said both Shino and Tenten were joining ANBU. Canon protection being said, I think these two make the most sense. They both have purpose for plot. (I know, me, planning some plot! it's a shocker!)

\- Hanabi's an extra addition because I literally cannot get enough of spunky snobby Hyuugas. Also, plot.


	7. panic

**title:** the opposite of beautiful

 **summary:** Ino panics harder than she has ever panicked in her life.

 **pairing:** sai x ino

 **chapter:** 7\. panic

 **disclaimer:** I do not own Naruto.

 **warning:** fluff. lots and lots of fluff. dear lord i am making up for all my lack of fluff with a chapter of fluff of extreme proportions.

* * *

The festival ends, and things return to normalcy, if only for a couple weeks. Sai inhales deeply, tasting the rush of wind and the scent of pine needles and warm sun that makes up _Konoha,_ and thinks that perhaps a day will come where he and the Konoha Eleven (Ten now, only Ten - ) can celebrate in the festival with the civilians, too.

Reconstruction is over and ANBU missions have changed - due to the Shinobi Union, an odd (but welcome) peace has settled over the land. There are less assassinations are more retrievals, and the hunt for missing-nin has waned. But some hidden villages will always be more ruthless than others.

Sai breathes in dust and pepper-salt wind mixed with the unmistakable metal tang of blood, and returns his scrolls to his pouch.

"We're done here," he says, slipping off his mask. "Good job, Beetle-san." Beside him, Shino lets out a heavy sigh and the hum of kikaichu bugs abruptly ceases.

"This mask is irritating," Shino says, copying Sai and hooking his mask onto his waist. "Why? Because it gets in the way of my sunglasses."

Sai flashes a perfect smile at him before frowning the smile away. Old habits die hard, and it's gotten easier to ignore the automatic impulse to fake-smile at people, but he still slips up sometimes.

 _You will always slip up,_ his bloodstream sighs in his ears, _because you were never meant for this._

Sai tosses a soldier pill to Shino, takes one himself, slips his mask back on, and the whispers stop.

Contrary to popular belief, the ANBU do not communicate purely through sign language. Sai decides that now is a good time to practice his small-talk skills.

"So, Shino," he asks, "I never did find out - was there any particular reason why you decided to join ANBU? It was pretty unexpected, from what I hear."

Shino takes a moment to answer. "I myself did not know that I wanted to join ANBU, until after the war." There is a brief pause, as if he is struggling to form words. "My teammates were the first to know. The elders of my clan were also made aware of my intentions, eventually."

There is a story there, somewhere, but Sai leaves the conversation as it is. He's never been good at talking.

.

.

.

It isn't until several hours later, when the gates of Konoha are within sight, that Shino gives him a name.

The clan heir carefully sets his sunglasses and readjusts the collar of his jacket before slipping on his Beetle mask again. Slightly muffled by the wood, Beetle tells Sai, "His name was Torune Aburame."

"...Torune...Aburame?" Sai searches his brain for the name; it sounds so familiar. But then again, names had never held meaning for him, not even his own, until he'd met Team Seven.

Shino is very, very quiet. Finally, he says, "Who is he? In another life, if ROOT had not been formed, and Danzo Shimura had not been so power-hungry or devoted to his village, he would have been my brother."

Sai remembers now; not Torune, no, but an Aburame. The reason why the humming of kikaichu bugs is familiar to him in the way that names are not; silent missions made less so by the constant constant buzzing, a cheerful voice covered by a mask. They had never spoken to each other. In ROOT, Sai had never felt the need to speak to anyone.

"I see," Sai says, and then they are at the gate. For a moment he wants to turn to Shino and ask about his brother-who-wasn't, the Aburame who got taken away by Danzo into ROOT where his name was replaced and his mind broken. He wants to ask what happened during the war and what happened to this Torune.

Instead, he simply nods, and says, "I'll return the retrieved scroll, Shino. Remember that a mission report is due within the week."

.

.

.

"There was a Yamanaka in ROOT, wasn't there?"

"Yeah. Fuu Yamanaka," Ino drawls, propping her feet up in Sai's lap. "I never knew him, but my father did. He never forgave Danzo for stealing a Yamanaka." She flops down onto her back, stretching her arms towards the ceiling, careful not to tug on her (somewhat impractical) long hair. "Why do you ask?"

Sai takes a moment before answering. "I was just...curious, I guess. I never got to know any of the other ROOT members. We hardly ever interacted outside of missions."

Ino sits up and blinks at him, and then flops back down. She hasn't ever really thought about that. What few ROOT members remained after Danzo's death and the war have been fully integrated into ANBU at this point, like Sai. The seals have been removed and most former ROOT members, from what she'd heard, have been able to overcome the emotion repressors lodged in their brains by Danzo's methods. But then again, no one likes to talk about it.

A prickly feeling of fingers against her feet, and Ino jerks out of her thoughts, spluttering.

"Did you just _tickle_ me?" she scowls at Sai, quickly retracting her feet from his lap and his stupid tickling fingers. " _Unbelievable_. I trust you with my feet and this is what happens?!"

Sai's expression is innocent, but Ino sees the twitching at the left corner of his mouth and scowls harder even as she feels the blush rushing to her face. "You _did_ just tickle me, you jerk!" She tries to move away but Sai only grabs her ankle, pulling it back into his lap.

"Sorry," he says, but the amusement in his voice and the twitching of the corner of his mouth is enough to convince Ino that he is not, in fact, sorry at all. "You seemed quiet."

Ino scowls harder at him, but relents and lets him maneuver her feet back into a comfortable position.

"Purple," she tells him haughtily. "And don't mess up. Nail polish isn't the same as ink."

A quiet chuckle. "Don't move, then."

Ino flicks her hair out of the way, and folds her hands beneath her head, breathing in the scent of flowers in her room mixed with the smell of fresh ink she's come to associate with Sai. The feeling of the nail polish is cool against her toes, but Sai thankfully doesn't try to tickle her anymore.

"The war changed a lot of people, didn't it?" she finds herself saying.

Sai doesn't pause in painting her toenails in smooth strokes, but he does take some time to respond. "Yes."

"Sakura's upset at Sasuke. Apparently, he wants to leave Konoha for a bit. On a journey. Some redemption thing." The words are just flowing now, and Sai remains quiet, something she's always appreciated about him. Sometimes it was good to just unload without interruptions. "And Lee is getting worried about Tenten - she's on your ANBU team, isn't she? - because apparently they haven't seen much of each other lately."

This time, Sai does pause. "Give me your other foot."

As Ino complies, she closes her eyes. "I haven't seen Tenten much lately, either. How is she?"

"I haven't...noticed much," Sai admits, grasping at her ankle and tugging it closer. "But I'm picking up a mission tomorrow meant for two, and I thought she would be well-suited for it."

He says it with such lack of emotion that it takes a moment for Ino to register his words. She sits up abruptly, squinting at him suspiciously. Sai and Tenten. On a mission. Together. By themselves. Huh.

He finishes her toes with one last swipe, and places her foot back on the floor. Then the barest hint of a smile appears on his face when he turns to her, and Ino _swears_ that Sai is _smirking._

"Jealous?" he asks, and Ino lets out an affronted exclamation. It's a good thing that the nail polish is shinobi-approved and fast-drying, because then Ino shoves Sai none-too gently and all of a sudden Sai finds himself knocked flat against the floor, a triumphant Ino laughing above him.

"Jealous? _Me?_ " she asks, flicking her long blonde hair, a dangerous gleam in her eye. "Don't get _cocky,_ you ink freak. Besides, don't be insulting towards Tenten-"

Sai reaches out in retaliation, and because his reflexes have always been better than Ino's, he latches onto her wrist in retaliation and _tugs._

"- she never told anyone, but Sakura and I are still convinced that she was always half in love with Neji - what the - _hey_!"

And then Ino cuts off.

Because, in perhaps the most ridiculous situation Ino has ever been in, Sai has somehow pulled her down on top of him, and her hands are by his head and her hair is tickling his (very warm very _muscular_ ) chest and their faces are unexpectedly closer than they have ever really been before because he's usually so goddamn tall. And even though Ino is literally so close she can smell his aftershave (cologne?) mixed with the smell of fresh ink, all she can do is think that Sai's eyelashes are really, really long and that his eyes are really pretty. She used to think that they were pure black, sharp steel stones the way Sasuke's were, but Sai's eyes are more gray than black and they are unusually colored, like smoke drifting off coal. And she is breathing in warm body and ink and she thinks she might be feeling a little dizzy.

Ino tries to say _oops, sorry, I'll get off now,_ but instead all that comes out her stupid stupid mouth is, "How come your eyelashes are longer than mine?"

And there it is, that twitching corner of his mouth that means he's trying not to laugh.

Ino stares at his mouth very very hard, and freezes like a deer in the headlights.

Then she glances up at Sai, and he is staring at her mouth, too.

Sai's hands, Ino realizes belatedly, have settled on her hips. His fingers are freakishly long (she knows this, because they've compared before) and somehow she expected them to be cold but no, his hands are _really warm_ and they are _gripping her hips_ so she doesn't fall over, and dear lord, her toes better be dried by now. And then then hands on her hips shift slightly and Ino's brain does a hard reboot, because she is still basically straddling Sai and he is _still staring at her._ And her heart is pounding so hard that he can probably hear it.

How did they even - ? What in the actual - ?

Ino knows the tell-tale signs of a kiss when she sees one. The slight lengthening of breaths. The brief glance at her lips, and then her eyes, fingers tightening against her hips, pulling her closer -

Ino panics harder than she has ever panicked in her life.

She scrambles off Sai so fast she nearly knocks over the two bottles of nail polish still lying opened on the floor. Her heartbeat thunders in her ears, pounding like a freaking war drum, loud and abrasive and there is something in her chest that is threatening to explode.

Sai sits up slowly, an unreadable expression on his face, and damn it, why does he seem so unperturbed? Because Ino is still weirdly fixated on his mouth and how she kind-of-maybe wants to kiss it and how he probably would kiss her back and she is taking very short very shallow breaths because _she is_ _panicking so hard right now, dear god, someone stop her from freaking out._

Clearing her throat nervously, she hastily dusts off imaginary lint. "Um," she splutters out, fiercely aware of the fact that her voice has turned into a high-pitched-oh-shit tone and that her face is probably blooming completely red, "Um, uh. Anyway, uh."

And then she stops again. Because Sai blinks at her, stoic expression plastered weirdly off-kilter on his face, and then he _blushes._

There is a warm flush that rises from his very pale throat to the tips of his ears, and all Ino can do is stare because even though she knows that it only mirrors her own, a blush on Sai is so jarring of an image that her brain takes several seconds to realize it. Sai coughs, and that goddamn blush is still on his face.

"I should go," he says pleasantly, hopping to his feet with the grace of a true shinobi. "See you, Ugly."

"Ah. Yeah."

He slips out of the window like a ghost, but Ino swears that the tips of his ears are still red.

.

.

.

Ino is good at seducing people.

Konoha no longer takes seduction missions - they had been abolished several years before Ino became genin, but she still remembers the kunoichi classes they had taken in the Academy, and despite her limited experience, she knows how to get a man's attention. How to flirt. How to laugh. How to start with light touches - a brush of the shoulder, and bump of the wrist, a tap of knees, and then move closer, and closer. But most importantly - most importantly -

Ino is _beautiful._ And she knows how to use it.

But this is - this is a little -

"Your face looks like a tomato, Ino-pig," Sakura tells her. "You sure you're alright?"

Ino takes several breaths. She gulps down the water Sakura has given her for a good thirty seconds before she formulates her response.

"Sakura," Ino asks, very seriously. "Does Sai have hormones?"

Sakura nearly stumbles, "... _what?_ No. Absolutely not."

"I think - I think - " Ino swallows down water and flushes completely red again. "I think - he might. Sort of. Have hormones after all. Forehead, I think I'm hyperventilating. Help me out here."

She is Ino Yamanaka, tokubetsu jounin, head of her household, heartbreaker of men and queen of Torture and Investigation, and she is panicking. Because she may or may not have _almost_ kissed Sai and the whole freaking situation kind of sends her brain into overdrive.

The glass of water is taken out of her hands. Then, because Sakura is an amazing human being, Ino is then presented with a large bottle of sake and two cups.

"Boys," Sakura tells her sympathetically, and opens the bottle. "Tell me about it."

.

.

.

Sai presses his hands to his chest, feeling and counting the acceleration of his heartbeat, and thinks that he might be panicking, too.

.

.

* * *

 **notes:**

\- LOOK! FLUFF IS BACK! AND BACK WITH A VENGEANCE!

\- lol, did i say last time that there might be plot? i lied. there will probably never be plot.

\- if my timeline is confusing, TIME HAS PASSED! It's been a year and two months since the end of the war and Ino and Sai have been (sorta maybe) seeing eachother for about seven. Ino has lots of hormones. Sai is (finally?) discovering his.

\- sorry for sporadic updates. I'm hella busy right now.


	8. bitterness

**title:** the opposite of beautiful

 **summary:** Sai wakes up to the scent of ink and the fading scent of flowers.

 **pairing:** sai x ino

 **chapter:** 8\. bitterness

 **disclaimer:** I do not own Naruto.

* * *

.

.

.

Sai wakes up to the scent of ink and the fading scent of flowers.

He rubs at his eyes tiredly. He's been thinking about Ino an inordinate amount of time lately. Part of him wants to analyze why it's so, especially because he's been kind of subconsciously avoiding her lately, and she's been doing the same, but the other part tells him that he should just focus on his upcoming ANBU missions.

He flexes his fingers, methodically donning his gear for the day. It's closer to midnight than it is to daybreak, but he laces his boots and tugs on his gloves anyway.

.

Hanabi spits out dirt, and huffs. "I give," she growls. She manages to look menacing even though she is currently face first into the dirt, limbs restrained by Tenten and a tanto at her throat.

Tenten beams, and loosens the pressure from the younger girl's neck. "Well done," she says, sheathing her tanto, breathing hard. "Now could you be a doll and unblock the chakra in my left leg, please?"

Sai drops down from the treetops, flaring his chakra slightly so they know he is there. Tenten rolls off of Hanabi and jumps to her feet as gracefully as she can, considering that one of her legs is unresponsive from a Jyuuken hit. Hanabi flips onto her feet as well, and shakes the dust from her hair. "Captain," she greets.

"I have a two-person mission with Tenten," Sai says, and lifts up a scroll. "Some crime lord in the south fire country. Get dressed."

The world has changed so much since the war, but there will always be people who grasp at power.

.

.

.

Two weeks.

Two weeks since the almost kiss and Ino still cannot figure out her own shit.

She's been kind of avoiding Sai. And he's also sort of kind of avoiding her.

Ino pulls her hair up into a half-hearted ponytail, fingering the ends. She's spent quite a bit of energy to keep her hair healthy, but even the best deep-conditioning masks can't repair split ends. She frowns at her golden locks slightly. She's always enjoyed long hair, and now that she's been given far less active missions as of late, she's felt more and more attached to it. But it is getting ridiculously heavy and she will have to cut it soon.

Funny, how she had always valued her hair. But she'd cut it off without hesitation during the Chuunin exams, a lifetime ago. So maybe she didn't really value it as much as she thought she did.

She huffs, and heads over to her flower shop. It opens at 9:00 am, every day, and today is one of the few days where she doesn't need to be in the T&I office. She is placing the last few bouquets in their position when the bell chimes and the door swings open.

For a moment, Ino's heartbeat spikes - inky black hair, inky black eyes. But it's not Sai. Dressed in civilian garb with the left sleeve hanging loosely, posture slouched over, is Sasuke. He glances around the shop, taking in the colorful displays of bouquets, cheerful signs, and brightly lit flowers.

He glances around the shop, taking in the colorful displays of bouquets, cheerful signs, and brightly lit flowers. Then he wrinkles his nose, as if the smell of flowers offends him.

For a moment, Ino doesn't know what to say. It's been so long since she's had a conversation with Sasuke - too long. In fact, looking back on things, she wonders if she ever had a full conversation with him at all.

She thinks about Asuma, about Akatsuki, about the Sharingan. Even a year after the war, and with Sasuke's peaceful return to Konoha, old wounds run deep.

"The shop doesn't open until nine," she finally settles for saying. "We're not open for another hour, Sasuke."

He turns to her, his features like marble. "I know," he replies. Then a vaguely sheepish expression occurs on his face. "I was just, you know, walking around. And then I saw this store. And..."

Understanding clicks in Ino's brain like the pieces of a puzzle.

"Oh my _god,_ " she says, amazed, "you're actually here for flowers. You, Uchiha Sasuke, actually thought about buying flowers."

"No I didn't," Sasuke frowns defensively, "like I said, I was walking around -"

Ino interrupts him, nearly jumping in excitement, pivoting on her toes. "I can't believe this, I _can't_ believe this - "

" _I was bored,_ " Sasuke snaps, "okay? There's nothing to do around here this early in the morning." Then he stops, and glares at the bouquet of flowers next to him as if he could set them on fire with his gaze (he actually could).

Ino folds her arms triumphantly and raises an eyebrow at him.

There are about three seconds of silence, until Sasuke relents. "I need help," he admits.

"With who?" Ino grins. But she really doesn't need to ask; she already knows. She just wants Sasuke to say it.

He narrows his eyes at her, giving her that infamous Uchiha glare. Ino brushes it off like lint.

Funny, how she used to squeal over his perfect hair, his cold and expressionless face. The mystery of his demeanor used to fascinate her. But, Ino thinks, she prefers this Sasuke more. This still very serious, and yet warmer Sasuke, who is alright with her teasing and doesn't set fire to her shop with a well-placed Katon. Who isn't so fixated on revenge, maybe, and is considering buying flowers for Sakura.

She rolls her eyes, sighs. "Fine. What's the occasion, at least? Then I can help you." It wasn't Sakura's birthday. That was still a month away. There weren't really any holidays coming up, either.

It is clear that Sasuke is feeling very, very awkward. He shoves his one remaining hand deeper into his pockets. "It's...an apology."

Ino stares at him. "An apology," she repeats. "For what?"

He shrugs. Looks off into the distance.

Sasuke has too many wounds, Ino realizes. The war has changed everyone, but perhaps it has changed Sasuke most of all. He is no longer a cold, bitter and vengeful boy who saw his family ripped away from him too young, or a hardened warrior bent on revenge, or a monster with a curse of hatred. Standing in the middle of her flower shop, he seems out of place, like a dark splotch in the brightness of flowers, or a cracked blade trying to figure out how to not draw blood.

Ino is many things: vain to a fault, perhaps, and meticulous in her appearance. But despite her blonde hair and wide smile, she is not stupid.

"You're leaving," Ino says, and there is a finality to her words that is not a question. "When?"

He doesn't answer. Ino feels angry, but sad at the same time. There is nothing she can do for Sasuke, just like she cannot do anything for Sakura. Everyone is on their own paths, and some things have to be sorted out alone. She turns in a flurry of blue dress and blonde hair.

"Pink tulips," she says, and holds out the bouquet to Sasuke. "Her favorite."

.

.

.

.

.

Missions with Tenten are – efficient.

Tenten used to strike him as a someone happy, who never quite cared for her appearance as she did for her weapons. She still jokes around, and seems lighthearted, but there is a bitterness that emerges when she fights. A coldness that washes over her when she puts on her mask.

Sai observes this and he does not know what to do.

Tenten moves with a grace that Sai knows has been honed and honed and honed, like the edge of a sharp kunai, like the thin line of deadly steel wire. They make her mask a Sparrow and yet Sai thinks it looks like a far more dangerous creature, one with sharp steel-tipped wings and a mouth stained in blood. Konoha's _Metal Dragon_. He learns not to dodge reflexively when she throws a kunai – because even if the enemy is two centimeters from his throat, Tenten never misses.

But there is a self-destructiveness in her movements, a raw, desperate kind of promise in every poisoned senbon she throws. Sai stares at her over the slit throat of an enemy and she stares back.

"Don't say it," she says, and the scratching of steel sliding back into its sheath fills the air. "You and I – we're here for the same reason. Aren't we?"

Sai takes off his mask, and he is not smiling.

Tenten copies his movements. The Sparrow turns into a young woman with brown hair piled into two buns and bitter bitterness in her eyes, bitterness in the lines of her too-young face, in the set of her mouth and the slant of her eyebrows. Gone is the smile, the light-heartedness of her training spars.

No one needs emotions when they're in ANBU. Sai knows this. Knows too well. But ANBU has changed, and so has the Shinobi world. There may have been a place for Tenten back then, but not anymore.

"No," he replies, shaking his head, "you're wrong. What you're after – it's not worth it."

Her hands are clenched tight around the hilt of her tanto. Her knuckles are white, and she is trembling. With rage? With fear?

The mission is over and yet Sai thinks that the mission will never be over.

"Did it ever stop hurting for you?" she asks, after a moment. "Because it's been more than a year, and it still hurts for me."

Sai almost doesn't answer. He thinks about steel-blue hair and a wide grin, a harsh cough and muttered fierce prayers into the dusty ground, blood staining his fingertips, an unfinished picture book.

"Never," he finally replies. "But it's still not worth it. Your teammate - Neji - whatever he was to you - don't try to forget him."

She flicks away blood from her blade and looks away. "I hate this," she admits, finally. "But I can't - I can't deal with it any other way. I don't know _how._ "

Sai wants to reply. It feels wrong, somehow, for the war to be over and for Naruto and Sasuke to be back and for a year to have passed, and yet somehow Tenten is still in the warzone, still wielding her blades like she wants to die. But, upon reflection, he realizes that he doesn't know how, either.

.

.

.

Sai finds himself standing in front of Ino's apartment.

Why he's even here, he's not entirely sure. All of a sudden a very very odd feeling courses through him, kind of like the cold-hot adrenaline before a fight, and he clenches his fists. He's not used to it.

He could have gone to Naruto, he thinks, or maybe Sakura. Or maybe even Sasuke.

When he knocks, there is a brief delay before it opens.

Ino blinks at him curiously. She is wearing her typical purple crop top and skirt, and he sucks in air slightly just at the sight of her. He is still struggling to figure out what he is feeling, before she raises an eyebrow and folds her arms, leaning against the doorway.

He tracks her posture, like a hawk, and notices that she has cut a few inches off of her hair.

Ino shifts under his gaze, and his eyes snap back to hers. She frowns at him. "What is it, Sai?"

He takes a deep breath. He still hasn't really sorted out what happened the last time he was here, but he also trusts Ino more than most.

"Tenten is not okay," he begins.

She lets him in.

.

.

.

"Konoha doesn't...really have anything for mental health," Ino starts off, and Sai is struck by the odd weight behind her words, the strange absence of levity he's come to associate with her speech. "We have the hospital for physical wounds, and emergency care centers in the ANBU barracks, but there's never been a system meant to deal with psychological trauma."

Psychological trauma. Sai lets that phrase sink into his brain for a moment, trying to dissect its meaning and all of its complexities.

Ino is right, he realizes. He still doesn't know the population of Konoha very well, but he knows enough to know that everyone has their own internal demons, not all of them as tangible as Naruto's Kyuubi.

He thinks about Kakashi and the older man's tendency to stand at the memorial stone for hours on end, about Sasuke's defection, and the Uchiha massacre that started it all. About the haunted bitterness in every graceful swing of Tenten's sword. About how only a few months ago, he woke up to find himself choking the life out of the beautiful blonde girl currently sitting across from him.

"It's not...easy," Ino sighs. "Even now, no one quite knows how to deal with it, or treat it. Every shinobi and civilian alike accepts the fact that people die. Friends, family members, loved ones. Konoha has always been at or on the brink of war. Until not long ago, the deaths of children were common and treated as simple casualties, and no one ever thought about the aftereffects on the survivors."

"Hence the ROOT program," Sai says.

Her glowing blue eyes flick upwards to meet his own. Sai holds her gaze impassively, waiting for the pity, or perhaps sadness, in her expression. To his surprise, Ino does neither. Instead, a sharp frown flashes across her beautiful features, so quick that he would have missed the anger that floods her eyes had he not been paying attention.

"Hence the ROOT program," she nods, "meant to create the perfect ninja. Shinobi that wouldn't have to worry about their mental health because they destroyed all capacity for emotional attachments from the beginning."

To Sai's surprise, her words sting. "That's not true," he swallows, uncomfortable with the twinges in his chest.

A pause. Ino stares at him with an unreadable expression, before the tension in her shoulders lessens slightly.

"You're right," she sighs, "not from the beginning. I guess you're the perfect example of psychological trauma, Sai."

She doesn't want to say it, so Sai says it for her.

"Shin," he says, pressing his tongue hard against the roof of his mouth, wondering if he can still remember the feeling of that tattoo burned against his skin. It still hurts, he thinks, not the healed wound on his tongue, but the memories of that unfinished picture book and the many things he'd abandoned the day his brother died.

"It's not _that_ bad all the time," Ino cracks a smile, "you should know, too. Wounds can heal. So can mental trauma. I mean, I'm pretty sure Kakashi's a lost cause, but look at Naruto now. Or Gaara. Or, hell, Sasuke."

Again, Ino is right. He's never really been the type to analyze people like this, Sai realizes, never been the type to break people down into their components and understand them. But Ino has. Ino always has been what other people have never been.

He breathes in.

"I'll send Tenten in for an evaluation," he decides.

There is a moment of hesitation. Ino glances up at him, clear blue eyes fringed with mascara free lashes. Sai thinks he prefers Ino with her natural blonde lashes.

"I -" she starts, and then stops. Then starts again, "I could help. Tenten, I mean."

He tilts his head slightly. She flushes, her words spilling out of her.

"Sai, I'm a Yamanaka. You've seen me do interrogations. I can – I can – enter people's minds. And usually, if I don't intend to be invasive – well, it's possible to sort of…help with trauma? Maybe."

He opens his mouth, then closes it. He says, "Konoha has never had a division for psychological therapy."

Ino nods in agreement, but her eyes are already far away. She is planning, sorting through all the possibilities. "That's true," she murmurs, and glances at him. "But what if we could change that?"

.

* * *

 **notes:**

\- i'm so sorry for the slow updates. i'm trying. i'm trying so hard.

 **-** I PROMISE I'M TRYING TO WRITE FLUFF. IT JUST...DOESN'T HAPPEN.


	9. nostalgia

**title:** the opposite of beautiful

 **summary:** Her father, despite the warmth in his gaze, simply tilts his head. "And yet, when the time really comes, someone who tries to truly invade your mind will enter it with every intention of tearing you apart."

 **pairing:** sai x ino

 **chapter:** 9\. nostalgia

 **disclaimer:** I do not own Naruto.

* * *

.

.

.

Ino opens the door to Sakura's apartment to the sound of crunching glass beneath her feet.

She is lucky that she has worn her shinobi gear today, with shoes meant to survive against tree bark and rough terrain, and not one of her civilian outfits and shoes that would do little to block the shards of glass. Ino looks down, and sees pink tulips, barely withered, petals in disarray and stems strewn haphazardly across each other.

Her heart drops.

Sakura Haruno cries easily. This, Ino knows, because she has found her best friend sniffling at the most absurd of things: a book, a movie, a picture frame, a thoughtful gesture, a stressful day at the hospital. No matter the occasion, Sakura likes to cry.

Crying is good. Ino knows this too. Crying allows you to breathe, to pause and let your emotions rule, for once, and plays a large role in the healing of trauma. A part of Ino suspects that it is precisely because of Sakura's emotional sensitivity that the pink-haired medic had recovered the most successfully from the war. No nightmares. No sudden flashes. Just the daily stress of running the Konoha hospital, of trying to figure out Sasuke's place in her life, of trying to juggle being the apprentice of a legendary Sannin and being a normal person.

This is why, when Ino sees the remnants of a shattered vase and pink tulips tumbled over the tiled floor, she knows something has gone horribly wrong.

Because Sakura Haruno is no longer crying. She is curled up on her couch, an empty sake bottle clutch tightly in her fist, and she is staring at the wall.

"Forehead?" Ino calls out, stepping carefully over the rest of the glass and kicking her shoes off once she reaches the carpeted section of Sakura's apartment.

No response.

"Sakura," Ino tries again.

Sakura's green eyes flutter closed. She inhales deeply but still doesn't respond.

Ino quietly picks her way over to Sakura. Gently, she pries the sake bottle from Sakura's fingers, placing it on the coffee table in front of the couch, and then settles herself down next to her best friend.

"Time?" Sakura finally croaks out, her voice weak and dull.

"Bright and early in the morning," Ino replies. "Kami, did you even get sleep last night?"

"I might have dozed off once or twice," Sakura's voice is, despite the quantity of alcohol she has clearly ingested, not slurred in the slightest. What frightens Ino is the sheer amount of _resignation_ in her voice, the amount of weariness and exhaustion that she has only heard in Sakura's voice perhaps only two times before.

Ino opens her mouth and then closes it. When did he leave? She wants to ask but doesn't.

Some things can be left for later.

"You are too good for him," she tells Sakura, honestly, and shakes her head at the diminutive flash of sadness that appears in Sakura's eyes.

"You didn't tell me," Sakura replies. There is so much emptiness in her voice that Ino wishes her best friend had been angry, instead. She looks at the pink tulips on the floor, sighing. Stupid Sasuke. Sakura would have recognized her flower shop's bouquets.

Ino reaches out and pulls Sakura into her best hug, the kind of hugs she had only reserved for her teammates and her dad. "You should sleep, Forehead."

"I can't," Sakura mumbles, burying her head in Ino's shoulder. "The hospital. There's a boy who needs surgery."

"Fine," Ino sighs. "Take a shower, at least. Change your clothes. I'll clean all this shit up."

She can feel Sakura breathing in deep. Feel the pink-haired medic shaking off her anger, frustration, bitterness, each emotion with each breath. It's a coping technique they had all learned in the Academy; something used often after the war.

"Okay," Sakura says, and Ino offers her a wan smile. Her best friend may be heartbroken, but she's still strong.

Ino sweeps up all the broken glass while Sakura showers, tsking at the withered tulips. Sasuke should have known - no matter how pretty flowers are, nothing that pretty lasts forever.

.

.

.

"You don't have to walk me to the hospital. Ino-pig." Sakura is looking better now that she's out of her apartment. With freshly washed hair and the slightest amount of chakra circulating around her forehead to ease away any hangover symptoms, she seems almost normal.

"I wasn't going to," Ino sniffs, shooting Sakura a glower. "I actually had a question for you. That's why I came to your apartment."

"A question?"

"Yeah," Ino says, and suddenly feels like she's about to leap off a cliff, she's so nervous. Then she shakes her head. This is _Sakura._ If anyone will hear her out, it's her best friend. "I've been thinking about creating a mental health clinic at the hospital."

This time it's Sakura who pauses.

"Psych evals are already included in the annual checkup for every shinobi," she finally says.

Ino shakes her head. "You and I both know those psych evals aren't enough. Tell me, out of the hundreds of patients you've seen since the war, how many injured themselves on purpose? How many people do you know who still can't sleep properly?"

Sakura falls silent. Ino doesn't need her to say anything to know it's been too many.

"...I think there's a way to help," Ino continues anyway, praying that her friend will understand what she's saying. "In my clan, we have mind jutsus that let one into another's mind, but we have noninvasive methods, too. Like guided meditation, or something like counseling."

"Have you tried these methods on a non-clan member?" Sakura asks. Ino tries not to show the sudden wave of relief she feels - Sakura is asking questions, not shooting her down immediately. There's hope.

"Personally," Ino swallows as she replies, "no. I've never received them either. And everyone who I knew who knew the jutsu...in the war..."

She drifts off, hoping Sakura understands.

"So you don't know the jutsu?" Sakura's lips thin into a line. They're almost at the hospital now. Ino shakes her head.

Sakura sighs, shaking her head. "I don't know, Ino. Konoha still isn't fully recovered from the war - Kakashi has barely taken over -"

"I could figure it out," Ino insists. "I've been looking through the clan library. I'm sure I'll find it written down somewhere, it's just a matter of time." She takes a deep breath and looks at her best friend.

"I can do it, Sakura," she says. "This wouldn't be about repressing feelings, or desensitizing people to loss. It isn't about making people forget. All those things we learned in the Academy, about not having feelings and obeying orders - all that ROOT training, to make soldiers emotionless - this isn't that. This is about helping people heal. The right way. The only way."

"And the Yamanakas know this way?" Sakura asks.

"No," Ino says, and the next few words hurt deep in her chest, resonating with every heartbeat. "Just one. My dad."

Sakura falls silent, studying her.

Ino is not lying. There had only ever one Yamanaka who bothered to think of applying mind jutsus to heal instead of hurt. But now, with her, there were two.

"Figure it out, Ino-pig," Sakura says quietly, finally. "Figure it out, and I'll do everything in my power to make this clinic happen."

Her promise blooms hope into Ino's chest. "I will," Ino says.

.

.

.

 _The room around her is a stark white, a seemingly endless white that stretched on forever. Ino blinks, and all of a sudden bubbles explode into life around her, multi-colored and translucent, crowding up the room she is in. The bubbles never burst, instead floating around and bumping into others, a few gently circling ever upwards where there appears to be no ceiling._

 _Almost apprehensively, she studies a bubble that has lazily floated over. It is translucent enough that she can see something within, but not clearly._

 _"...so this is your mindscape."_

 _Ino whirls around, and the room around her flickers sharply from pure white to a deep black, before relief overwhelms her surprise and the room returns back to its brightly lit white. "Dad!" she cries, running towards her father._

 _Inoichi scratches the back of his head, laughing as Ino tackles him, and leans down to sweep her off her feet. "Alright, princess," he chuckles, easily gathering Ino into the warmth of his chest and arms. "You ready?"_

 _"Yup!" Ino leans into her dad, arms wrapping tight around her father's neck. "You said we'd be learning more mind stuff today."_

 _"Mm," Inoichi nods, and pauses. "It's not 'mind stuff', Ino. The Yamanaka clan's jutsus are centered on the mind; this is your introduction. What you learn today will pave the road for our clan justus in the future."_

 _Ino frowns up at him, confusion in her bright blue eyes. "Soooo," she says suspiciously, "mind stuff."_

 _Her father pats her head affectionately. "Alright, we'll call it mind stuff." Slowly, he lowers her to the ground. Ino whines slightly at the lack of contact, but steps back eventually and stands straight, waiting._

 _"Where we are now," Inoichi begins, "is your mindscape. Obviously, since you haven't quite begun your training in the Yamanaka techniques, your mindscape is quite...disorganized. If you were to enter any civilian's mindscape, it would probably appear something like this: a vast room, filled with objects that contain their memories and their thoughts, with only the barest amount of organization and structure. Of course, the older you get, the more developed your mindscape will become. Now, Ino, why do you think understanding your own mindscape is important?"_

 _"Because before entering the minds of others we must understand our own," Ino replies automatically, reciting the lessons drilled into her by heart. "The mindscape is a representation of our soul and body, the gathering of all thought. Therefore in order to navigate a different one without injury or danger, we must first become familiar with the one that exists within us."_

 _"Good," Inoichi smiles again, and then spreads his arms wide. "Now, there are many ways to familiarize yourself with your mindscape. Just as we did before I entered your mind, meditation is one of the primary ways. Through meditation and the channeling of your chakra, you can enter your own mind, and shape it from within."_

 _"Shape it?" Ino asks, eyes widening. "You can do that?"_

 _Inoichi chuckles warmly. "Yes," he says, "in fact, before I teach you any of the clan jutsus, you must develop your own structure and organization to your mind. Unfortunately, it is something you must develop for yourself, as copying the mindscapes of others is impossible. Create one that is unique to you, and it will be strong."_

 _Ino frowns, taking a look at the gently floating bubbles around her. "But..." she can't think of any way to organize her mind, beyond creating walls that section off the bubbles. And yet somehow she doesn't want to do such a thing. It seems so...crude. In fact, her mindscape is so peaceful and beautiful the way it is, with the pure white walls and soft bubbles, that she doesn't know why she would want to change it._

 _Inoichi laughs at her confusion. "No need to rush, princess," he teases. "You will figure it out eventually. But first you must understand what it means to have the mindscape of a shinobi. Even if you do not yet know how to perform our clan jutsus, you have studied them, have you not?"_

 _"Yes, father," Ino says. She has gone through every scroll of the Yamanaka clan's techniques, even though many of them had been unbelievable tiresome and boring._

 _"So, you must think - what sort of mindscape is the easiest to break into, and what sort of mindscape would be the hardest?"_

 _Ino turns to her father, ready to ask another question, and then gasps. Around her, the bright white walls flash red in alarm. "Father, you're disappearing!"_

 _Inoichi looks down at himself, but as Ino says, he is already disappearing into bubbles, his image slowly distorting as he fades. "Well, it looks like our time is up. See you on the other side, Ino - and don't worry. You have plenty of time to shape your own mindscape..."_

 _._

 _._

 _._

 _In the real world, 10-year-old Ino opened her eyes, pouting._

 _"Maa, princess, don't pout at me like that," Inoichi scratched the back of his head as he, too, opened his eyes. "I set a timer for ten minutes for a reason. It's not too safe to remain in your mindscape for long, especially when you're just starting out."_

 _Ino frowned, looking away. "But it was so..." Pretty. Her mindscape had been so pretty, with its stark white and its pastel, peaceful bubbles. She had wanted to stay, if only a little longer, and explore._

 _"You'll have time for that," her father told her, seeing the disappointed look on her face. "But it was beautiful, no?"_

 _Ino nodded. "I wanted to stay there forever," she admitted._

 _"Ah," her father said, something softer and heavier entering his expression. "And yet we must not. Now go upstairs, princess. You still have academy homework to do, don't you?"_

 _"But dad..."_

 _._

 _._

 _._

Ino opens her eyes.

That...had hurt. That had hurt more than she would like to admit. Seeing her father so young - no stress lines on his forehead, no tired frown between his eyes or graying hair, only laugh lines and a warm smile - had shocked her.

She hums slightly, wiggling her toes in the soft grass. Letting the plucked flower she holds in her hand fall to the ground, she rises from her seated position, breathing in deeply as she does so.

Around her stretches a field of flowers and flower bushes, blooms of all colors and sizes. Ino knows the name of each one by heart, just like she knows the placement of every blade of grass, every cloud and sweep of warm summer breeze. This had been her answer. Even now she finds this field of flowers beautiful in its serenity, and her father, once again, had been right.

A mindscape unique to her. A mindscape only she knew how to navigate.

The answer she is seeking, however, had not been in that first memory. Ino closes her eyes briefly, feeling the warmth of the sun against her limbs. She will have to search elsewhere.

Ino knows better than anyone how dangerous it is to get lost in memories. It is almost too easy, sometimes, to let her memories envelop her, to let the warmth of nostalgia and the happiness of childhood wrap her tight in its folds.

 _But it isn't real._

(It will never be real again.)

The warm breeze tickles at her cheek, and she brushes away a few strands of fly-away hair.

Slowly, she leans down. In front of her is a bush clover in bloom, delicate purple-pink flowers swaying in the wind.

 _This one,_ she thinks, and plucks the flower gently from its stem.

And the world around her _shiFTS -_

 _._

 _._

 _._

 _"Again," her father says. "But...not bad, Ino. You are improving."_

 _Ino scowled at her dad, brushing her blonde bangs away from her perspiring head with an angry huff. "It only took you a minute."_

 _"And yet," Inoichi grins, "the first time you tried it, it only took me a second. Again."_

 _Ino took a deep breath, and settled herself back into a meditating position. Closing her eyes, she thought of marigolds, in their brilliance of sunset orange and red._

 _"Ready, papa," she said, and sank -_

 _._

 _\- "You must become better at hiding your thoughts," Inoichi says, his tone soft and yet voice booming in her mindscape. "Your traps are at times creative, and yet rudimental in nature."_

 _She had built a replica of her living room, with patterned silk screens and old wooden tables, filled with nostalgia. Her father looks around, seemingly unsurprised by the change in her mindscape. Then he runs his hands along the wall, kneels down to do the same with the carpet. He flings open a cabinet drawer, lifts a potted plant, and turns to the window of the room, streaming sunlight in. He pauses._

 _"Very good, Ino," he suddenly says, pride evident in his voice._ "Very _good...you really are improving._ "

 _Then he strides to the window, and a kunai flicks into his hand._

 _Ino, safely hidden where she is, freezes. In all of their practice sessions before, her father had never pulled out a weapon._

 _"Forgive your old man for this one," Inoichi chuckles. Then chakra flares in his palms, zipping up into the kunai and he drives it forcefully into the window, shattering it, the room shifts again -_

 _Ino yelps as the room twists and turns, flipping upside down. Chairs and tables crash to the ceiling, the plants overturning into a mess of soil and formerly potted greenery. Her father has figured it out._

 _"And here we are," Inoichi beams, and reaches out to a broken flowerpot. "Marigolds, am I right?"_

 _And then the jutsu lifts -_

 _._

 _"Three minutes and thirty-four seconds. Oh, don't glower at me like that, darling. That's better than your last time, wasn't it?"_

 _Ino huffs and crosses her arms, glaring at her dad. "What gave it away?"_

 _"There was a little disturbance when I reached the window._ Very _clever, by the way. Most people don't think about giving their mind two layers until, oh, several years after they begin practicing hiding information from the enemy._ "

 _Ino flicks her ponytail behind her in annoyance. "You pulled out a kunai. Of course I got nervous."_

 _Her father, despite the warmth in his gaze, simply tilts his head. "And yet, when the time really comes, someone who tries to truly invade your mind will enter it with every intention of tearing you apart."_

 _._

.

.

Like water. The memories are sliding through her fingers like water, like petals blown away by the wind, smooth and never-ending and oh-so-painfully preserved. Ino closes her eyes again, feeling the warm wind whip at her hair, feeling her dress flutter around her ankles.

 _Almost._ She is almost there. And yet the memories are so _pure_ and _clear,_ so beautiful and familiar and _warm -_

.

.

.

 _Ino looked around her in wonder._

 _She was underwater, and yet her eyes felt no sting of saltwater, nor did she have difficulty breathing. Spread out before her was a vast ocean wonderland: schools of fish darted around richly-colored coral, and giant kelp wavered under the soft ocean currents, their muted green turning brilliant green where the sun struck its leaves from above. An underwater paradise. She reached out to touch a brightly glittering fish, and it darted away from her, fins waving frantically._

 _"Ino."_

 _Ino whirled around, a smile lighting up her childish face. "Daddy!"_

 _._

 _._

 _Chakra crackling in her palms, flooding the channels that ran through her limbs. Fingers that formed a triangle._

 _"Shintenshensin no jutsu - "_

 _._

 _._

 _"I am so proud of you - "_

 _._

 _._

 _Shikamaru crouched over her, a disgruntled look on his face. "You gotta take care of your body when you use that Mind Transfer Justu, you know? Your dad would kill me -"_

 _._

 _._

 _There is blood in the air and screams in her ears and smoke stinging her throat and her eyes, one of her ribs is fractured and she cannot breathe, she is crumpled on the ground but none of that matters anymore. Nothing matters because -_

 _"Dad," she sobs, even though the war had ended three months ago and she is in her bed, not a war tent, "dad. DAD - "_

.

.

 _"Ino," her dad says, and Ino wants to weep and leap into his arms. Smell the scent of his aftershave, the feel of his flak jacket pressed against her chest as she buries her head in his neck. The way his chest rumbles as he chuckles. Instead she is stuck where she always is, sitting in front of her dad on a lush carpet of grass._

 _"A field of flowers, huh? How fitting." He looks so real. He looks so real and alive, and his smile is perfect, the only kind of smile that could make her stop her tantrums when she was little, so warm and fierce and loving. She wants to press her hands to his chest and make sure his heart is beating, feel the warmth and the reassurance of life. She wants to know that he is alive, he is alive, he is -_

 _._

 _._

The wind has turned cold, whipping at her clothes, at her hair. Ino stumbles to her feet, palms digging hard into her temples. This is her mindscape, and the wind is her warning. She has gone through too many memories already, and any more will be dangerous.

But it was enough.

.

.

.

Ino opens her eyes to Sai's apartment.

His walls are no longer the bleak starkness of what they were when he was still in ROOT. Now they are filled with his paintings, still in black-and-white and yet stunning in how they capture movement.

"So?" Sai's face suddenly appears in her vision. He is concerned.

Ino is crying, she realizes. That's why he looks worried.

"I got it," she breathes, tears streaming down her face, and all of a sudden she thinks that maybe she can do this.

* * *

 **notes:**

\- hellllllOOOOOOOOOOOOO. i know its been a year and a half. I know I have been a horrible horrible author. I'm sorry. I'm SORRY. It's finally summer and I can finally breathe from school so I really hope I can spin a couple more chapters out. I love what I write but school really really kicked my butt. I'm so so so sorry guys.

\- I must give credit where credit is due. This entire chapter was brought on because I read the second chapter of Killaurey's _Sky on Fire I: Slow Burn_ and there was a scene where Ino trained with her dad. I saw the phrase _underwater garden_ and then suddenly felt the urge to write that, a mindscape that was an underwater garden. But then, of course, the scene took on a life of its own and now you have Ino searching her dad's former teachings for a different way to use her clan's jutsus: a way not for violence, but for healing.


End file.
